Rating all YouTube videos that were the most watched video at any point in time, in chronological order because I thought that was an interesting idea(I'm relying on GPT for this list so who knows if it's accurate, but I'm too lazy to verfiy.)
Me at the zoo (first video ever uploaded to the platform)It's almost literally nothing. Where does that put it on this list? I think some of these will be very obnoxious, so nothing could be about average. 4/10.
Evolution of DanceIt's a video about a comedian doing various dance routines that I think imitate (parody?) dance styles from various points in time. Difficult audience here since I have zero clue about any dance style at any point in time. Also I guess it's funny because he's not dressed to dance. Well this wasn't worth 6 minutes exactly, but I've seen worse. 5/10.
Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (Official Video)Yeah, so, I couldn't possibly hate this any more than I do. Everything about this, idea, presentation, lyrics, song structure, lyrics, is maximally off-putting to me. 0/10.
I guess the interesting question you could ask here is, are videos that become massive internet hits designed, or do they get there accidentally? Whenever there is a new internet meme that clearly just happened, I always wonder, why doesn't anyone engineer these? Attention is a currency; having a viral meme has to be worth a fortune. Gonna ask GPT about this. But this is the video that feels most like it was trying to be a hit. It feels so soulless and calculated. Reminds me of GGPoker.
Also I think this wouldn't fly nowadays. Maybe the woke movement was worth it after all.
Charlie bit my finger! ORIGINAL (but I think this might be a reupload maybe?) Yeah, idgi. I think this baby magic thing just doesn't work one. But even insofar as it does, I feel like I've felt more cutness from other videos before. This just feels like nothing to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 3/10
Evolution of DanceIt reclaimed the spot so it's on the list again. But I cheated by not watching it a second time.
Bad RomanceI think this is the same video Awaclus linked a few pages back when we talked about the music effect thing from LemonUniverse?
Anyway, this seems like a genuinely good song? I mean. I don't know anything about song writing or production. But this has a lot of points where I'm like, that's neat, and that's a new clever way to mix different ideas together, and also it's all just so damn catchy! And while I can't watch into Lady Gaga's head (or whoever produced this), I don't think her motivation while creating this was 'let's maximize for views to the exclusion of everything else'.
There's also this weird thing in here, both in the song and the video, where some parts in isolution look/sound weirdly sincere? Like it wouldn't be out of place in a different much more serious context, but here it's surrounded by all the silliness.
(Also also I think this is trying to comment on commercialization of sex in some way? Gonna ask GPT about what the video means after this.) Anyway, I genuinely like it, so 8/10.
... alright, and we're here. Le sigh.
Justin Bieber - Baby ft. LudacrisI think I actually never saw the original before. go figure!
So it'll be no surprise that I don't love this song, but I actually don't hate it anywhere near as much as Girlfriend. Probably because it's a male perspective from a male and hence doesn't feel anywhere near as pathetic.
Also, this is a good example of a meme that obviously wasn't designed purposefully; I mean, this is only popular because it's so easy to riff on it. And his face is just so punchable, too.
Also what's with the rap here? The rhyming is so basic, it's got to be bad on purpose, right? That was legitimately funny. I kinda wanna read interviews with the rapper now.
A very warm 3/10 for "Baby". I don't feel a deep compassion for the time slices of my EM field that are trapped in the block universe watching the video. I think they're doing okay.
PSY - GANGNAM STYLE(강남스타일) M/VHell yeah. Not only is this the catchiest thing I've ever heard, it's also by far the funniest video in the list. But also, it's also just so damn weird. If I'm gonna watch one of the most succesful viral memes humanity has ever produced, I want to create a sequence of WTF moments, not just live off of a single idea. This is what a viral video should be like. Easy 10/10.
Wiz Khalifa - See You Again ft. Charlie Puth [Official Video] Furious 7 SoundtrackOh god. This was made for me to hate it. This super emotional male singing style is so viscerally off-putting to me. When I say I don't like clean male vocals I think a more precise description is, I dislike them to the extent that they sound similar to this. I was hoping for the rap section to keep going on so I didn't have to listen to the clean singing, ughhh.
But also, why is this on this list? This just seems like your run of the mill cheesy romantic ballad. Where's the meme magic? On the "super meme by accident" vs. "super meme on purpose" spectrum, this seems off to the side somewhere. I guess people just like it completely unironically for the intended emotions? I guess?
I would much rather rewatch Baby than this. In terms of my personal viewing experience this is the worst on the list, but in concept I don't hate it as much, so I'll give it a generous 1/10.
Luis Fonsi - Despacito ft. Daddy YankeeYeah, okay. So I don't speak Spanish, but I assume this is a love song, and the video is quite explicitly sexual at many points, so maybe it skirts the line. But this makes a lot more sense to me as something that would be ultra popular. Some very catchy bits here, several different musical arrangements, some neat rhythmical ideas, actually just a reasonable number of different ideas in this song, and all of them work. And some extraordinarily beautiful women and I guess men in the video. So like, yeah at least this feels like someone put a lot of effort into it. Could be more on the trying to create a meme side, but fine, at least it's done well. I genuinely kinda liked this a little more than it annoyed me, so 6/10.
Baby Shark Dance | #babyshark Most Viewed Video | Animal Songs | PINKFONG Songs for Children Okay, so it's a super simplistic catchy song for young kids. Why not. I'm just impressed that something with a 10 second intro fluff managed to top the list honestly. But who am I to judge the art of optimizing engagement with an audience of 5 years olds. 15 billion views on this thing anyway, that's sure something. Idk what to do with it though, I guess 4/10 because I only slightly disliked it.
I need to hear Trump speak now to gain motivation back to like Kamala
