1.If it doesn't matter, why does the conversation exist? 2.'it's ridiculous to pretend that it's not' - your pronouns are somewhat ambiguous - do you mean in a way that matters, or more courteous at all by 'it's not'? I mean, I suppose it's more courteous of me to ask your permission to go play a game of chess with my friends, but it would be ridiculous to try to say that that's remotely better than not asking. But the big point here is that just because X number of people are arguing both sides doesn't mean they're both reasonable. You could *all* be arguing that using expletive-laden diatribes is the best way to solve problems, but that wouldn't make it correct or even reasonable.
I think this bit gets at the heart of it.
There is a courtesy issue at stake. This is the part that's obvious. Courtesy is at stake ANY time one person thinks it is. That's the nature of the concept.
There are, of course, plenty of things in the world where to be perfectly courteous would obligate you to do X, but you do not do X because you have a good reason not to do so. We all balance these things in our lives all the time. Can we agree about that? Surely you change your behavior in some ways in your life because you don't want to annoy other people, cause them hassle, etc.
So the only question is whether in an individual case the gain from being courteous is worth the cost it imposes on us. You appear (and feel free to correct me if I've read these two threads wrong) to believe that the work required to type a few keystrokes is not worth the effort because it's basically meaningless. Is that correct?
All I've tried to say here is that while you may perceive the social niceties to be utterly meaningless, other people do not. If you're willing to accept that you are being (very very mildly) discourteous, then we have no argument. And frankly, from your perspective, I'm sure it seems reasonable because you would gain zero value from such niceties. But other people DO gain value from them, so to deny them that value is certainly real.
In the case of people wanting to use expletives, you certainly
would be (very very mildly) discourteous to not join them in that game, but it would clearly be outweighed by the fact that the use of expletives is not helpful and/or bad.
I think that squares the circle, no? When you say there is no obligation, what you mean is that it would be silly for people to intuit an obligation because it's an irrelevant social nicety. When we say there is an obligation, what we mean is that it would be silly to not make the effort because it's such a small one.
But hey, human beings are fundamentally silly animals, so it is what it is.