Oh, we're for puns now?
*Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, dead at 53. Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report, that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
*Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but, unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
*A scientist today admitted that he paid a prostitute over a thousand dollars to take a special chemical compound with some sparkling water in attempts to increase her IQ by over 80 points. The experiment failed, however, which proves: you can lead a whore to water but you can’t make her think.
*Our top story today: Convicted hit man Jimmy 'Two-Shoes' McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knickknack paddy-whack.
Yes they're all from Colin Mochrie on Whose Line. This page collects some:
http://threadoftruth.wordpress.com/2011/03/05/my-top-10-colin-mochrie-headlines-in-wliia-weird-newscasters/and most can be found in this video:
