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Author Topic: A joke thread  (Read 183777 times)

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Witherweaver

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #350 on: November 08, 2014, 12:16:01 pm »
0

90 Kelvin wouldn't be survivable!
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jonts26

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #351 on: November 09, 2014, 12:29:02 pm »
+11

All this arguing is silly. You can easily live the rest if your life at any temperature.
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enfynet

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #352 on: November 09, 2014, 12:37:48 pm »
+2

You mean, I can spend the rest of my life next to an underwater volcanic vent? Awesome!
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LastFootnote

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #353 on: November 09, 2014, 01:28:55 pm »
+1

You mean, I can spend the rest of my life next to an underwater volcanic vent? Awesome!

Enjoy!
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #354 on: November 09, 2014, 01:59:08 pm »
+1

The moral of the story?  A loon full of sugar helps the Medicrin go down.

The last time I heard this one, it was a campfire sketch, and I was a Boy Scout.  And like fifteen.
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Asper

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #355 on: November 10, 2014, 06:48:57 am »
+1

90 Kelvin wouldn't be survivable!

Ooops, you are right. I was wrong saying it was.

Probably we should really end this here. I'm sorry for being so... hot-headed. Sorry, pacovf.
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pacovf

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #356 on: November 10, 2014, 06:53:36 am »
+1

90 Kelvin wouldn't be survivable!

Ooops, you are right. I was wrong saying it was.

Probably we should really end this here. I'm sorry for being so... hot-headed. Sorry, pacovf.

Don't worry, arguing is fun!
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Watno

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #357 on: November 10, 2014, 07:01:25 am »
+6

Don't worry, arguing is fun!
I disagree.
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Kuildeous

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #358 on: November 10, 2014, 08:27:52 am »
+20

I would also like to add that the corner is extremely overeducated...90 degrees is quite excessive.

It can't be that educated. I knew a corner with 91 degrees, and it was pretty damned obtuse.
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jotheonah

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #359 on: November 10, 2014, 10:01:17 am »
0

I would also like to add that the corner is extremely overeducated...90 degrees is quite excessive.

It can't be that educated. I knew a corner with 91 degrees, and it was pretty damned obtuse.

You win, sir.
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SwitchedFromStarcraft

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #360 on: November 13, 2014, 04:16:04 pm »
+3

Three engineers are asked to determine the height of a building.  The civil engineer grabs a transit, sets it up a known distance from the base of the building, notes the angle to the top of the building, and derives the height using geometry.  (aside: not the squire of the two sides....)

The mechanical engineer goes to the top of the building, drops a weight over the side, measures the precise amount of time it takes the weight to hit the ground, and computes the height using the acceleration of gravity.

The chemical engineer goes to the janitor and trades a case of beer for the blueprints to the building.
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #361 on: November 13, 2014, 04:19:59 pm »
0

(aside: not the squire of the two sides....)

You don't even use the Pythagorean theorem here...  :'(
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SwitchedFromStarcraft

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #362 on: November 13, 2014, 04:26:17 pm »
0

That's why I put in the aside. (you did see the word "not", right?)
« Last Edit: November 13, 2014, 04:27:29 pm by SwitchedFromStarcraft »
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pedroluchini

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #363 on: November 14, 2014, 03:52:21 am »
0

(Oooh, engineer jokes!)

To determine which department was the best at problem-solving, a university organized a contest: three volunteer professors (physics, computer science, and mathematics) were locked in separate classrooms for a week. They were supplied with canned food, but not a can opener, and had to figure out a way to survive until the end of the week.

When the physicist's room was unlocked, he stepped out alive and well. The whiteboard in his classroom had a few scribbled equations, and each can had been punctured in a precise manner to extract the food inside.

When the programmer's room was unlocked, he stepped out looking tired, but satisfied. He had dismantled a chair from the classroom and used it as a club to smash open the cans of food. He made a huge mess, but survived.

When the mathematician's room was unlocked, he was found dead inside. None of the canned food had been touched. He had written equations all over the whiteboard, and then on some of the walls too. In a corner, his last message read: "I have proof that a solution exists. Now, I just need to find it."
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Witherweaver

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #364 on: November 14, 2014, 09:51:52 am »
+6

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qmech

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #365 on: November 14, 2014, 09:55:44 am »
+3

It's funny because they can't spell maths.
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Witherweaver

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #366 on: November 24, 2014, 09:48:30 am »
+3

I believe this is relevant:

Jokes Written by Kids
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qmech

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #367 on: November 24, 2014, 11:40:09 am »
+5

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Teproc

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #368 on: November 24, 2014, 12:09:48 pm »
+5

All the engineer jokes I know are specifically related to French schools so...

Oh, I do have something else though. A mathematician, a physicist, a chemist and an a computer scientist are asked to demonstrate that all odd numbers are prime.

The mathematician goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, so no."

The physicist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, 11 works, 13 works, so on first approximation it works."

The chemist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 works, 11 works, so yeah it works."

The computer scientist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work..."
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Watno

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #369 on: November 24, 2014, 12:15:41 pm »
+3

I believe this is relevant:

Jokes Written by Kids

Particularly this.


This is funny because it is consensus on f.ds is that explaining jokes makes them funnier.
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pacovf

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #370 on: November 24, 2014, 12:49:51 pm »
+2

All the engineer jokes I know are specifically related to French schools so...

Oh, I do have something else though. A mathematician, a physicist, a chemist and an a computer scientist are asked to demonstrate that all odd numbers are prime.

The mathematician goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, so no."

The physicist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, 11 works, 13 works, so on first approximation it works."

The chemist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 works, 11 works, so yeah it works."

The computer scientist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work..."

I know the one you are thinking about. There's a similar one in Spain:

Before a job interview, the interviewees are asked to count to 10.

-1,3,5,7,9,10,8,6,4,2, answers the postman.
-0,1,10, answers the IT engineer.
-10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, answers the rocket scientist.
-1,2,1,2,1,2..., answers the officer in training.
-let me make a quick call, answers the management student.
-1,2,3,4,5,6,7, jack, queen, king, answers the senior undergrad.

...you might notice Spanish-Italian decks are different.

There's a whole story and delivery around it, but meh, too lazy to translate.

EDIT: for clarity.
« Last Edit: November 24, 2014, 01:48:58 pm by pacovf »
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Teproc

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #371 on: November 24, 2014, 01:21:36 pm »
0

I know that variant too, I wasn't sure how well the last item would translate for Americans though (and apparently we use Italian decks in France since it goes up to 10 here).
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Kirian

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #372 on: November 24, 2014, 01:36:24 pm »
+2

All the engineer jokes I know are specifically related to French schools so...

Oh, I do have something else though. A mathematician, a physicist, a chemist and an a computer scientist are asked to demonstrate that all odd numbers are prime.

The mathematician goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, so no."

The physicist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, 11 works, 13 works, so on first approximation it works."

The chemist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 works, 11 works, so yeah it works."

The computer scientist goes : "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work, 9 doesn't work..."

The version I've heard has a psychologist last, saying "3 works, 5 works, 7 works, and an N of 3 is plenty!"
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pacovf

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #373 on: November 24, 2014, 01:39:28 pm »
+1

(and apparently we use Italian decks in France since it goes up to 10 here)

Really? This is what a Spanish/Italian deck looks like:



This is what a belote deck looks like:



This is what a deck to play Tarot looks like:



And I probably don't need to link your usual run-of-the-mill Bicycle deck garden variety.


I'm pretty sure the Spanish/Italian one is the least common of the four in France. I don't remember the exact wording of the joke, maybe it keeps going after 10?


Also woo huge images to bother everyone.
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Teproc

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #374 on: November 24, 2014, 01:46:18 pm »
+1

I misunderstood what you were saying, I thought you were saying that Spanish decks were different form Italian decks. Having not heard of that I assumed the 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-jack etc. deck was Spanish, and the ones I'm familiar with (belote and tarot) were italian, which would have made sense to me since Tarot originated from Italy (as a game I mean).

It does make sense that Spain wouldn't go with the whole heart/spades/diamonds/clubs denomination, since I believe that was a normalization under the Napoleonic Empire, and you can't exactly be surprised that Spanish people would reject that.
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