I do like how you tried to edge-case it to make us sound less incompetent, but. It was Adventures only - that's your homework for the week.
Ok, let's see. I'll assume 2 Events: Bonfire and Quest.
Kingdom cards: Gear, Guide, Duplicate, Miser, Distant Lands, Hireling, Transmogrify, Amulet, Ratcatcher, Raze
I think that might do it. That might be a kingdom where there would be no reason to buy Bonfire. I also cheated a little by putting the three other trashers in the Kingdom (Amulet/Ratcatcher/Raze.) There's no +Buy, no +Actions, no gaining, so there's no engine here; nothing better you could possibly do than buy a Province a turn. Plus, Gear is in the Kingdom, the new king of Big Money. I don't think there's anything else faster than three Gears, pile the Provinces and move on to the next Kingdom and forget this mess ever appeared. Bonfiring coppers wouldn't accomplish anything but costing turns; it's not worth increasing the money density by trashing when playing BM because you'll stall faster when greening.
Now we'll see if anyone edge-cases my edge-case. Maybe some sort of weird Distant Lands Golden deck? I put in Distant Lands just to draw out other comments. I couldn't see a way to get/play multiples in one turn though, so even a deck of G/S/DL doesn't beat a Province a turn.
I have to admit, learning to play this game properly really does take time. It can be broken down into several stages:
1. Buying too many actions and making gigantic engines that do nothing.
2. Realizing that BM+X beats those bad engines easily. (Being sad for a minute.)
3. Realizing that a good engine will beat BM+X, but usually only by making multiple victory card buys, or by being much more consistent once greening starts.
4. Reading the strategy wiki and forums to find out what card combos work and about all of the different deck archetypes, buying proprities, money density, etc. Also terminology.
5. Being able to look at a Kingdom before buying a single card and identifying the optimal strategy for that kingdom. (Results may vary.)
One important note: Ignore the edge-case posts, parodies, facetious advice and pedantic arguments. Read the other 20% of the forum posts. There are some fantastic articles and discussions here about strategy, statistics, card evaluations, etc. Not all of them are gospel, but a surprising number of them are better than some of the now-outdated articles on the strategy wiki.