Thank you!
Today is the first day I am not in some kind of a rush of finding apartments, jobs, friends, etc. We have found an apartment in a very smol village in Armenia and we are now living here, I guess. My life turned upside down very unexpectedly because of actions of one man, and this was outrageous, now it's just fascinating what I am able to do. Of course I can't tell what happens tomorrow and it's so, so hard to try to plan anything, but I try to. The next short term plan is having my cats transferred here (end of March, I guess, they need to be treated and vaccinated first) and the long-term plan is trying to find myself in a big world of IT, because I know a lot of stuff, but can't do a lot of stuff, it's all theoretical and a product of couple online courses I took here or there just for my own amusement.
This all feels very derealizing (is this a word?) and sometimes I think "Am I just dreaming?" but the more time goes on the more I understand I need to adapt hard, or I'll just lose myself.
The other good fact I realized about myself is how easy it is for me to ask for help and to receive help. My wife is very reluctant and she is strongly independent, which means a lot to her. But I still believe that if a person lets us sleep in their house even if today was the day we met and this person is a friend of a friend of a friend, it's totally ok to sleep in their apartment instead of frantically looking for something we can afford right now.This made our last two weeks much easier.
The other curious thing is that my friends and relatives are always doubting their or my decisions to leave as overreactive and that happens to a lot of russians who left the country as I can see, but strangely I do not doubt that decision in a slightest. I have never believed that this would be resolved in days and I knew that following the war there would be dire consequences for everyone in the country who is not a brainwashed zombie. And we can see that now, people who try to speak up are treated very, VERY harshly. I don't want to give details about that but the more it goes the more people get very scared for their own lives. I don't believe myself to have a strong internet presence, as I only use Telegram for talking and Twitter for reading (haven't posted for years), but now police stops people on the streets, demands them to unlock the phone and read their Telegram chats. So however quiet I may be, my country is not safe for me any more. And I didn't think this trip that's happening now would be short. So no doubts = more mental health for me, I guess.
I have thought about putting all these thoughts somewhere and I have decided fds to be the best place to do so, because I needed a place where I know most people are not inside of what's happening and have a somewhat good impression of me, I guess.
Don't know how to finish, everything is weird.