If I don't forget to swap out my Travelers, I can get Teacher very quickly as my opponent is usually less skilled than me IRL (excluding tournaments). So getting an early Teacher is super good for me, and I think Teacher is good. Slow does not mean bad. I mean, look at Scout/Great Hall. It's slow, but it gets the job done every single time. If you don't believe me, then: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/promise
I am in my room, sitting on my computer, browsing F.DS. I scroll down the page, innocently, oblivious to the trap that lies in wait. Then it happens. Another post by Roadrunner7671. Another Scout joke.
I freeze. Sweat brings to form on my forehead, on my body. A sense of nausea rises in my gut.
“Please,” I whimper. “Please. Not today. Oh god, not today. Not another Scout joke. Please.”
I am in a small room, deep beneath the ground. The walls and floors are stainless steal. I am strapped to a table. Around me are the instruments of torture. Needles and blades and pulleys are visible in the edge of my vision, but these are merely the physical tools. It is the words that I fear, the words that I can't keep out of my brain. Roadrunner7671 stands above me. His expression is not unkind.
“Please,” I say, the blood pooling in my mouth. “Please.”
“If you want a picture of the future,” he says, “Imagine a forum poster reading a Scout joke- forever.”
I make a sound that might be laughter or might be sobbing. Because I've seen the truth. Roadrunner7671's relentless onslaught is only the culmination of our own sins. He is a dark mirror, reflecting our true selves back to us. We balk from him because we balk from ourselves. We have all made Scout jokes in our moments of weakness.
We are all Roadrunner7671.
I am standing on a desolate wasteland. The wind that howls past my ears is a voice that whispers my failings to me. In the distant heavens I can catch glimpses of a better world, a better forum, where there is quality discussion of Dominion strategy. I know that it is only there to torment me. I can never reach, not because of something external that blocks my path, but because of who I am, because of who I will always be.
“Please,” I say. “I want to change. I want to believe that I can change. I want this to not be what is true. I want this to not be who I am.
“Please.
“Please.”