I prefer jotheonah's "also not explorer" ^^
-Not Jester-
Action attack, cost $5
-$2
Each other player reveals and discards the top card of its deck. If it is a victory card, you gain a curse ; if it is a curse, he gains a victory card, otherwise, either you or he gains a copy of the discarded card, his choice.
-Not nobles-
Action curse, cost $6
-2 VPs
The player to your left chooses one for you : discard 3 cards, or -2 actions.
-Not mountebank-
-$2
Action attack, cost $5
Each other player may discard a province. If he doesn't, he gains a province and a gold
Okay, let's stop here with negative numbers !
-Neither Merchant ship nor wharf-
Action duration, cost $5
Now and at the start of your next turn : +2 buys
(good card, if no other source of +buy^^)
-Not highway-
Action, cost $5
All action cards cost not $1 less this turn, but less than $0
(whaaat ? negative numbers ? d'oh...)
And now, here are the "not prizes"
-Not bank-
Action, cost $7
When you play this, +1 card per treasure card you have in play (counting this)
-Not followers, but trators-
Action attack, cost $0*
Discard 2 cards. Trash a victory card from your hand (or reveal a hand without victory card). Each other player may trash a curse from their hand and/or draw up to 7 cards in hand.
-Not Bag of gold, but Bag of lead-
Action, cost $0*
+1 action ; gain a curse, put it on top of your deck.
-Not trusty steed, but untrusty sheep-
Action, cost $0*
The player to your left chooses 2 for you :
Discard down to 2 cards in hand, +2 actions, +$2 or gain 4 coppers and put them on top of your deck
-Not princess, but devil who is holding her hostage-
Action, cost $0*
+1 buy ; while this is in play, cards cost $2 more, and when time you buy a card, gain a copper.
-Not diadem, but dis adieu-
Treasure, cost $0*
worth 7$
When you play this, this is worth -1$ per action card you've played this turn
("dis adieu" is French for "say Farewell") (oops, by the way, negative number)
*Those 5 cards are in the supply.