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26
Dominion Articles / On Lurker
« on: September 03, 2017, 10:59:40 am »

Introduction

Lurker is a combo card, and the thing about them is that they tend to depend on the other nine kingdom cards. It is interesting to note that while Lurker does have many amazing combos with nearly all of Dark Ages, by itself the card is usually underwhelming. The primary problem with Lurker is not the ability, which is a fantastic one, but rather the actual card in your deck. The other nine Kingdom cards may or may not offset this disadvantage. Before anything else, let's talk about a common mistake with Lurker: the opening.

Oftentimes, players from across the experience spectrum open with a Lurker, and more often than not it is the wrong play. Here is a likely familiar example to those who have played a couple of Lurker games.

A Common Hypothetical

Turn 1: Player 1 buys X

Turn 1: Player 2 buys X
T2: P1 buys Lurker
T2: …


It is Player 2 to move. Does Player 2 buy Lurker or not?

Usually Player 2 feels obligated to pick one up, just to deny Player 1 from getting his hands on a potential free card. From there, the game devolves into a Lurker game of chicken, where neither player plays the Lurker. Both players feel like they have to justify the Lurker buy, so they pick up other Lurkers. It is understandable that someone would want two Lurkers early on in the game. Two Lurkers go together as well as peanut butter and jelly. But it is also potentially the wrong play. Usually, there is something better to do on the board.

There is a better solution out there that people don’t contemplate when playing in this scenario, and that is to delay the Lurker buy. Instead of Lurker on Turn 2, buy a better card. Player 2 can gain the Lurker on the second shuffle, and Player 1 still has to keep in mind the Lurker game of chicken. He may go for it, in which case perhaps he gets a second Lurker to increase his chances of landing it upon the next shuffle. This may or may not work, and Player 2’s deck should be slightly the better for it either way. Player 1’s deck will still have at least one glorified Ruined Village inside no matter what the outcome.

The Main Point

If you are not going to use the Lurker you gained, there had best be a good reason. Think about delaying the Lurker buy. Lurkers in hand make it harder to hit price points early game, and there’s no incentive to play a single Lurker if you do not benefit. A good maxim to remember: Decks that use Lurker are good, but decks that have Lurkers are bad. Picking up a Lurker without a serious plan can be serious trouble. With that being said...

Opening or Pursuing Lurkers Early

There are many times where getting Lurkers early or even opening them is a strong play. Knowing these scenarios will elevate your play. Here are some of the power cards to look for.

Donate/Chapel/Bonfire:
The main issue with Lurker early on is connecting two of them. What better way to connect them than to trash down your deck? Donate enables a potential double Lurker opening right out of the gate, and cards like Bonfire and Chapel are some of the fastest trashers in the game. This list is not exhaustive, and other fast trashers like Remake may also be enablers.

King's Court: Lurker with King's Court. Is there really anything else to say?

Hunting Grounds: Any time you see Hunting Grounds with Lurker on the same board, sound the alarm bells. This is a very potent rush. Uncontested, the rush ends the game on a three pile in 11-12 turns with approximately 33 points. Nothing to sneeze at! Open double Lurker, trash Hunting Grounds for a Duchy (or Estates if Duchy pile is empty) and always buy Lurker. When the Duchy and Hunting Grounds pile is out, simply trash with Lurker every time to empty the Lurker pile.

Possession: Possession alone demands a double Lurker opening. Games with Possession and Lurker are bizarre and oppressive. The best general advice is never buy economy, look to buy points right out of the gate and drive piles with Lurker as fast as you can with the points lead.

Cultist/Fortress/Squire: Cultist and Lurker is usually quite bonkers. There are games that end in 7 turns when both of those cards are on the same board! Trashing Fortress into hand builds your deck while also making your Lurker a cantrip for a play, not to mention the massive engine potential. With Squire hitting the trash can comes a free attack card. Just be careful with gaining the Squire back! Both Lurker and Squire do not draw cards.

Tomb: Tomb is a mega Lurker enabler. Each trash by Lurker is a point into your pocket. Trash useless cards when your Lurkers don't connect! Consider aggressive pileouts!

Other Lurker Strengths

Lurker works well with sifters and cyclers, especially top tier ones in Forum and Dungeon. Secret Passage can help connect two Lurkers for maximum benefit. Minion can help enable Lurker gains. Artificer can topdeck a Lurker to connect two on the next turn for a low fee of -2 Cards.

A quick trick for virtually unbounded draw: play Procession on a Hireling, and Lurker the Hireling back. Not only do you get +2 Cards for the rest of the game, but the Procession doesn't even get set aside, letting you perform the same action again next turn!

Trash for benefit loves Lurker. The big stand outs (besides all of them) are Apprentice and Knights. With Apprentice, trash a high cost card to connect Lurkers and then go to town. With Knights, the battles will never end. Lurkers will never die. Other cool tricks: Bishop a Nobles and get it back. Butcher a Nobles and get it back. Process a Nobles and get it back. Graverob a Nobles and get it back. Replace a Nobles and get it back. You get the idea. On the other hand, Lurker can defend against Rogue by trashing multiple Harvests or other terrible cards.

Speaking of trashing terrible cards, sometimes your opponent will take those Pirate Ships if you're feeling generous with superfluous Lurker trashing. Just make sure that your silly pile driving won't give your opponent a potential win in the future! There has already been documentation of a throwaway Lurkered Transmute winning a game later on when regained.

Speaking of Potion cards, Lurker also loves those, if not for potentially skipping a Potion buy. Besides Possession, Scrying Pool worships Lurker. The more Lurkers there are the better. Scrying Pool can draw them all up and Lurker can increasingly gain more actions to draw. Golem likes Lurker as well, albeit perhaps not when the Golem hits two Lurkers.

As the game progresses, Lurker can become less of a gainer and more of a threat for a three pile ending. Always be aware of potential three piles and how many cards your opponent can drain. In particular, Throned or Kinged Lurkers can make games end incredibly quickly, and King’s Court is one of the potential triggers for aggressive early Lurker openings!

Game Examples

Of course, talking about hypotheticals is fine, but what about actual games? Here are four different boards. Your goal is to analyze the board and assess the use of Lurker (if any).


Example 1:



Playing against multiple Torturers a turn will be a slight nuisance despite Masquerade and Lurker doesn’t seem to be doing that many special things here. There’s nothing to invest in. There are cute tricks with trashing Mining Village and Lurker but Conspirator already provides the money. The game looks primed to end on a three pile with Vineyards being prime VP. Lurker seems to be best here as a cheap action and to threaten piles towards the end of the game.


Example 2:



This game looks to go on much longer. This is a prime Lurker game. There is an amazing sifter in Forum and good cards to gain in Scrying Pool/Baker/Mill. The engine will be double Province a turn in the ideal world and Mills will help provide points and economy. Lurkers will add cards to make Scrying Pool even better. The game will possibly end on some sort of three pile before the engine can be fully realized, mostly due to Lurker.


Example 3:



This is a highly complex board with three different strategies, listed in order of effectiveness:
1. Nobles/Council Room/Lurker/Bishop Engine
2. Lurker/Talisman/Vineyard rush
3. Council Room/Platinum BM
This isn't exactly a board where it is immediately obvious what to do, and that's okay. The rush seems like the most intuitive thing to do on this board, and it's nearly the best thing. Bishoping Nobles and getting them back via Lurkers seems like a good way to score infinite points.


Example 4:



Enchantress is easily the most important card here, as it is the only draw, and a good Courtier target as a fancy bonus. Certainly this is not a board where you will get a Lurker on a buy, but rather a wonky turn where you can only get one from trashing an Estate and Coppers with Forge. Lurkers are not terribly important here, although they are nice to get a University which gets Enchantresses and a Courtier. While Forges and Expands are high cost cards and that is a prerequisite for Lurker investing, Baron/Silver or Baron/Enchantress are fine openings to potentially spike $7 already. The draw/sifting is also subpar, although Wandering Minstrel might help to connect two Lurkers. The endgame here seems to be Expanding/Forging things into Colonies.

Conclusion

Lurker is an incredibly high skill card, and thus correct or incorrect useage will impact your chances more than usual. A suggestion: Play with each of the Lurker combos listed for awhile. Then, queue up random games with Lurker in it, and try to implement it into your strategy every time. Every time it fails, assess why it did. Was the build order wrong? Was the Lurker gained too early, or perhaps too late? The best way to get good with cards is to practice using them, and Lurker is well worth investing in.

27
Puzzles and Challenges / Possible To Win?
« on: April 05, 2017, 03:55:36 pm »
Dominion Puzzle: Is it possible to win this turn?
Game ID: 2593959
Decision: 287

I've gotten up to $19 and 3 Buys, but I haven't found the win yet.

28
Game Reports / Use Artificer
« on: February 01, 2017, 12:13:29 pm »
http://gokosalvager.com/static/logprettifier.html?http://dominion-game-logs.s3.amazonaws.com/game_logs/20161106/log.0.1478456646792.txt



Code: [Select]
Plan, Herbalist, Develop, Oracle, Warehouse, Baron, Artificer, Ghost Ship, Haunted Woods, Mountebank, Relic

29
Dominion General Discussion / Dominion Opening Training & Predicting
« on: November 24, 2016, 12:41:00 am »
For players looking to improve, it's important to come in with a good opening and a game plan, as well as knowing what will generally happen in any given game. People can present boards and then provide the solutions in spoilers. Like "Forced Wins Training Sessions", this thread will hopefully help some players get better at finding that edge over their opponent.

Here is the first board, admittedly a bit easy:



Code: [Select]
Transmute, Ambassador, Doctor, Lookout, Port, Spice Merchant, Worker's Village, Highway, Mandarin, Fairgrounds
What do you do here on 4/3? 5/2?

How will this game go?

Feel free to submit your own boards. Let the training begin!

30
Forum Games / The f.ds Mafia Discord Server
« on: November 02, 2016, 01:04:15 am »
Hello everyone! I have a Discord server open now for potential Mafia (and other) games in the future. If you haven't yet, get Discord on your desktop and join the Dominion server: https://discord.gg/ceVBAPQ

Once you have done that, you can visit the f.ds Mafia server as well: https://discord.gg/WN3aq3y

We'll see how everything goes, but this could be a really cool thing.

31
Dominion General Discussion / Post Impressions Part 1: Debt Cards
« on: October 22, 2016, 11:36:54 am »
I'm going to do a series covering all of the new Empires and 2nd Edition Dominion cards after playing with them quite a bit. First, I am going over every single Debt card in Empires, whether Events or Kingdom Cards. I have some possible insights to share. Think of this as a "post-initial impression" impression. I'm still forming my thoughts on these cards. If you also have any interesting tidbits with Debt cards or the power of them to add, I'd like to hear them.

Debt

First, let's talk about Debt itself, as a concept. Debt is a fascinating mechanic that buffs +Buy. Have an extra +Buy and only $1? You can take a Debt card right there, and your deck is much better for it. Any time there is a Debt Card and +buy, that is just another reason to go for engines over Big Money. Debt cards are Engine cards, with little to no exception. A lot of times, you'll see these high prices for Debt cards, and you'll just freak out. It's worth it to get these and go into debt. They improve your deck in the long run more than if you did not get them.

Engineer

In case nobody got the memo, all the Debt cards are really really good. Every single one of them. Even that Annex one. Engineer is no exception. Whenever you want Workshop, you want Engineer even more. It's pretty straight forward, but in case someone cannot conceptualize it, Engineer can gain two cards for you and then remove itself from your deck.

I can say it right now though: Engineer Gardens is probably not a 'thing'. Sure, you can get two Gardens with your last pop! Great! However, you cannot gain Engineers with your Engineers, so it's a lot slower than you would first expect. Not that Workshop Gardens is all that good anyways.

The games where Engineer really really shines are Herald-centric games, Ironmonger games, basically any great $4 cost you simply have to have. It's Woodcutter on steroids.


City Quarter

Think about how strong City Quarter is. Just think about it. City Quarter is stronger than that. It is a legitimate top 10 Kingdom Card for me. Yes, I'm serious. King's Court, Goons, Mountebank, Chapel, Cultist, Donate, Save, Bonfire, City Quarter. It belongs there. "But Seprix, it costs $8 Debt!" So? Just pay $4 now, and $4 later. Don't delude yourself into thinking it costs so much. The 8 is a lie. It's cheaper. In addition, the more City Quarters you add, the more your deck explodes, enabling you to pick up more of them per turn. It's incredible.

Do you want to know how good this card is? To sum it up bluntly, IGNORE THIS CARD AND YOU LOSE. You'll just lose. And it won't be close. Always look for ways to incorporate City Quarter into your strategy. It enables awful awful engines and makes them insane. City Quarter encourages you to mass up on Action cards. Any engine you can build can be so much better with City Quarter. I cannot stress enough how insane this card is. Its King's Court levels of good. If you did not get that impression somehow, you know now.



Royal Blacksmith

Everyone likes to be down on Royal Blacksmith. I can understand that for certain. But think of it this way. Rather than thinking about all the Coppers you lose from your hand, think about this. It draws 5 Cards, pulls out all of the Victory Cards, the Action cards, every other kind of card but Copper, and puts that into your hand. With all that crap in your hand, you can draw the rest of the Coppers. It's not a problem for you. Aside from the cool combo of Counting House, it's really not a problem.

All that aside, do not delude yourself into thinking this is anything but an Engine card. Fool's Gold Blacksmith is a fine combo (and it works as long as you're not contested too much!), but that is an exception to a general rule: When you buy Royal Blacksmith, you need an Engine. You just do. The more Coppers you trash, the less you'll miss when drawing all those great cards.

Overall, Royal Blacksmith is probably the weakest Debt card, but that doesn't mean it is bad by any means. On the contrary, it is a very strong draw card that enables you to have more payload in your deck for your Villages over drawing power, simply by the pure size of the drawing. It's cheaper than Hunting Grounds.



Overlord

If City Quarter is the strongest Debt card, Overlord is the second strongest. It enables T2 bought Mountebanks, Cultists, Junk Dealers, Wharf, Upgrade, Sentry, and every insane opening combo you can think of. It's versatile. It doesn't care if you like chocolate or vanilla. It loves you all the same, and it will do anything costing up to $5 for you. Because you're that awesome.

Overlord is the most Kingdom dependent for certain, except maybe Royal Blacksmith. In a 9 Scout Kingdom, it's not going to win you any games. Anyone remember Band of Misfits, and how cool it seemed? Man, what a great card! And then you realized, it really sucks actually. Overlord is the fixed Band of Misfits you've always hoped and dreamed of. I promise. You won't be sorry. I don't want to say it is a Top 10 card though, and it really really is board dependent.

Triumph

One of the biggest problems now with all of these new VP Events and Gathering cards and all of these Landmarks is when to take them. The community has not figured it out yet, and either have I. I can guess that the same rules still apply. You don't green until later if it junks you, unless you're threatening a 3-pile. Greening before that is catastrophic. You stop building for a second. Your opponent can suddenly overtake you. Don't let all these shiny VP cards fool you into thinking otherwise.

That being said, think of this card as Alt-VP for gaining. You get 2 VP with a buy right there, because you gain an Estate and the VP with that gain. After that? Buy tons of Coppers, buy out the rest of the Estates to prevent your opponent from getting them, etc. My point is, don't buy this earlier, even when you have trashing, for example. It's not helping you build.

Donate

Best card in the game. There is no better card in Dominion. Everyone knew this coming in, and I can confirm it. Donate changes the game in the way Governor does, or Cultist does. It will make you re-imagine the entire concept of Dominion and building engines. There are so many ways, so many options, and I can tell you right now, I have barely scratched the surface of what this card can do. I don't know when best to buy it, or what to buy before getting it. There are so many question marks as to what is slightly better on any given board.

One tip though: Do not fear junking attacks. You can just Donate them away again. It's not a problem for you. You'll be so much thinner after your first Donate, and your average deck worth will have so much more value than before, even with all of that junk.


Annex

This is the Event no one understands. And I understand. I also understand why. Nobody knows how to play with Inn. Right now, go open Making Fun and play some Inn Cage Matches. Find out and learn when best to buy Inn. Seriously, go do it. It's a close approximation to how Annex works. Except Annex is even better.

Firstly, Annex gets you a Duchy. For free. Game ends, you've piled out but you have an extra buy left. Heck, buy Annex, grab a free 3VP! Who cares about Debt, the game is over.

Secondly, Annex is better than Inn. It helps your deck maintain consistency. You can put all of your cards except for your 4 Victory Cards and the Copper (the 5 you leave behind) and put the rest in your deck. Wow, you're guaranteed to win now. Again, who cares about Debt? Spend that $5 you were going to on Duchy anyways and buy Annex instead.

That being said, Inn has one thing that Annex does not. Inn is a village, and you want a Village. Annex is something you usually only get at the end game.

Wedding

And finally, Wedding. If you have a 4/3 opening, you will be very sad. If you have a 3/4 opening, you will be quite happy. Opening Gold is very very good. Skip Silver entirely. Who needs it? Open Steward/Gold. Now the question remains is this: Do you still open Gold on 4/3, skipping Action cards? Probably not, but it will depend on the board of course. Don't be afraid to look at a tactical Wedding buy. It gives +1 VP also, which is a bit cute. It might give you a leg up. It might not.

That is my post "initial impressions" impressions for Empires Debt cards. I hope you all got something out of this, and I'm looking forward to any insights you might have on these cards as well.

32
Dominion FAQ / Encampment and Black Market
« on: October 11, 2016, 10:28:49 pm »
Two questions for the almighty esteemed Donald.

1. When you buy Encampment from Black Market, and you play Encampment without revealing a Gold/Plunder, does it get set aside forever, or do you put it back into the Black Market deck?

2. At the end of the game, if the Encampment is set aside, do you count it as part of your deck? This matters for Vineyards, Gardens, etc.

33
Game Reports / Dominion develops terminal cancer
« on: September 23, 2016, 11:39:53 am »
http://gokosalvager.com/static/logprettifier.html?https://dominion-game-logs.s3.amazonaws.com/game_logs/20160923/log.0.1474644268102.txt



Code: [Select]
Ball, Ratcatcher, Apothecary, Fortune Teller, Menagerie, Tunnel, Advisor, Gardens, Pirate Ship, Laboratory, Stash
Hey, at least you didn't have to play it.

34
Let's Discuss ... / Let's Discuss Dark Ages: Cultist
« on: September 14, 2016, 06:18:07 pm »

Cultist
Many cults start off with high ideals that get corrupted by leaders or their board of advisors who become power-hungry and dominate and control members' lives. No group with high ideals starts off as a 'cult'; they become one when their errant ways are exposed.
                          -Philip Zimbardo


The mighty Cultist. One of Dominion's strongest attack cards. I can see Donald X.'s thinking with Cultist. He started out with a noble idea for Cultist. He didn't want it to be eclipsed by Witch, and he wanted it to be different. In so doing, Donald X. created a monster out of a card. Very often when Cultist is on the board, it dominates the board and the attention of both players. To simply ignore Cultist is almost always a losing strategy. Therefore, it is almost always a must play strategy, controlling the play of the players. Cultist is too strong and game warping most of the time, and its errant ways have now been exposed. Now, Cultist's strength is even more apparent with the absolutely busted Pathfinding and Lost Arts interactions.
  • How often do you defy the groupthink and cult-like mentality that often occurs when Cultist is on the board?
  • Would taking away the spam ability of Cultist make it far too weak, or too much like Witch? What are your proposed fixes?
  • What were your coolest interactions with Cultist's on-trash ability?

There is no current additional reading on Cultist. Get cracking on that article, people.

35
Dominion General Discussion / Forced Wins Training Sessions
« on: September 12, 2016, 06:10:31 pm »
I want to get better at finding forced wins. People, post screenshots of games at scenarios, and let's get training. I will submit the first one. This game comes from Game 5 of Qvist versus Gamesou in DL S17, and it is available on YouTube on Qvist's channel. Now... Is there a forced win? If there is, what is it? The answer is in spoilers below:






Play Stonemason twice, trashing both Silvers for x2 Stonemasons. Play Horse Traders, discard Island. Buy Province + Curse for the three-pile.

36
General Discussion / A Geeky Story (A story I wrote when I was 10)
« on: September 11, 2016, 11:12:19 pm »
Just for a bit of context, I wrote this semi-story long ago when I was about 9-10 years old. I forgot I still had it stored away somewhere, and I stumbled upon it today. It gave me some great memories, and who knows, maybe someone will like a story written by a 10 year old version of an f.ds member. It's pretty awful, although it has some neat and potentially useful ideas.

The story will be written, with all the bad spelling and grammar included. There are 10 short chapters written, totaling about ten pages, front and back. When needed, some annotation will be added for sentence clarity, though it is not really needed for the most part. Part of Chapter 3, all of Chapter 4, and the beginning of Chapter 5 are missing. I will give a brief overview of what happened in those chapters to the best of my ability, though memory slightly fails me as to specifics.

Enjoy the story.


A Geeky Story

Once upon a time, there was a person named Peter. As his title suggested, Peter was not very smart. 1 I don't know wh gave him the title, or if he made it himself, though that wasn't likely, as he was not the brightest bulb on the block. The smartest guy on the block was called Bright M. Ethod, though he perferred Bright. And though Peter wasn't the smartest, he wasn't the dumbest either. That was Doug. He lived down the road.

Peter lived next door to a guy who constantly wore an Indian hat 2, and had glasses. His name was Jones. Jones had a strange habit. Every day, he would go bury a pineapple, then at night, he would go dig it back up. There was also another bright person accross the street. His name was Percy. Percy was only second brightest for one reason: Bright had a Phd, while Percy had an ordinary degree. Now that we have introduced our characters, let's get on with our story, meeting new fellows as we go along.

1

It was a beautiful day in Simpleton City. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Jones was burying his pineapple. "There," he exclaimed. "Now that I have buried my fruity pineapple, I shall have my breakfast."
And he proceeded inside, to the comfort of his home. However, he exclaimed as he got inside, "Oh, yes. I forgot to buy donuts!" And he proceeded outside to go get donuts at Kilt's, the trendiest store in Simpleton City.

When Jones reached Kilt's, he went inside to go buy donuts. He reached for a shopping kart 3, and went inside. There were many isles, and he went down the one with donuts. On the way, Jones saw a box of Pop-Smarts. He hates that pastry, primarily because he couldn't figure out how to get the wrapper off. Jones frowned, then shook his head. He came here to buy donuts. Pop-Smarts wouldn't ruin his day.

Jones got to the donuts, picked them up, and checked the price. They were $30.00 per dozen. That seemed like a good price. Jones smirked. He had gotten away with a steal. He proceeded to the cash register, and got out his large stack of pennies in a jar. "Sigh," Jones said. This was the boring part. He hoped the cash register guy could count. Thankfully, he could, and the process only took 15 minutes. Jones got into his car, and drove to work, eating donuts on the way.

Work was boring for Jones, and he didn't like it. He saw Peter, and walked over to him. "Hey, Pete." Jones said to Peter. "It's Peter," Peter said, slightly irritated. "What do you want?" "Just saying hi, Pete." Jones said. "Peter.", Peter said though gritted teeth. Jones continued like Peter never said anything. "Also, don't you hate work?" "No," said Peter, obviously annoyed now. "No, I don't." Jones shrugged, and walked away to start making toothpaste at the factory.

2

After Jones left, Peter shook his head. Jones bugged him. However, the task of putting caps on every bottle of toothpaste awaited him, and if he wanted free toothpaste, he had to cap 8,000 bottles in a week, for it was work for toothpaste week. He started capping bottles, tubes, and cans of toothpaste. This was an important job. Everyone used toothpaste to fight cavities, glue stuff together, and it was even going on little Timmy from across the lane's birthday cake next Saturday! It was fun to think of these things.

Fun or not, Peter was tired when he got home. Jones was already home, and digging up his pineapple. Peter wondered what was wrong with that man. Then Peter remembered he had to go get a saltshaker as a present for little Timmy. He wished he could write that down, but he couldn't write. It looked like a trip to Percy's house was going to happen.

After a delightful dinner of toothpaste sandwiches and Goat milk, Peter decided to go to Percy's house. He walked outside, and noted that his lawn needed a trim. He couldn't write that either, so now a trip to Percy's was unavoidable. He really needed to know how to read and write. Oh well, he might as well get on with his life. Peter reached Percy's house, and knocked. After awhile, Percy opened the door. "What do you want written THIS time?" he asked in a dull voice. "I need to mow my lawn, and get a saltshaker for little Timmy," Peter said. "Oh, yes, and a box of donuts, too." "If you can't read, then why do you ask me to write this stuff?" Percy said. "It's rediculously stupid." Peter thought about that, and decided that it would be nice to talk about peanuts, as they seemed good at the moment. "You know," Peter said. "Peanuts do taste quite-" SLAM! Percy's door shut, and Peter was standing there on the doorstep, wondering why Percy was so rude.

3

The next day, Doug woke up from his bed, and had a box of donuts. As he chewed the pepper flavored one, the newspaper came in. He couldn't read it, but he could ask Percy or Bright what the headlines were. Doug finished his donuts, and decided he liked the grass flavored one the best.

Doug headed out to Percy's house, as he figured nobody would bug Percy. That was probably the smartest thing Doug has ever thought of. Unfortunately, it was Saturday, and Percy was sleeping in. Doug knocked on the door. No answer. Doug knocked again. Nothing. Doug rang the doorbell, and Percy opened the door, in a robe.

"Can you read the headline for me?" Doug said. "I would like to know what it is." "Well, I was sleeping," Percy said. "But oh well. It says that Election day is coming close, and only Bright M. Ethod is a candidate."

Here is where a couple of pages are missing. To summarize what happened, Doug decides to run for office, to the chastisement of Percy. After Doug leaves, Percy thinks about how awful life is for him, and whines to Sabrina, a would-be love interest for Percy. Sabrina is not interested and does mock him over his feelings in some fashion. Bright speaks to the 99 smart people in Simpleton City, and Doug also sets up a stage for a speech, where the story picks up in Chapter 5. A character called Greg is also introduced, who is neither smart or dumb, but average.

5

...Doug began to step onto the stage. Doug slipped, and fell. Cheering began. Cheering by smart people for getting hurt, and cheering by dumb people for a great show. Doug got back up, and walked to the podium. "I uh..." Doug began. "Uh..."

The crowd was beginning to mummur. Was this the guy we wanted to elect?

"I uh..." Doug continued. "I forgot my speech."

The crowd immidiatly (and not suprisingly) cheered for Doug. Percy sighed. Now Doug was certain to win. There were only 98 smart people in the city excluding Bright, and literally thousands of dumb people waiting to elect Doug. It was over, and Percy knew it.

6

"I don't believe it." said Percy. "I don't believe it." Bright had won with 98 votes, and Doug with 0. "I think people were too stupid to know how to vote," Sabrina's silky voice said. "Bright won, and now it will be bright for us again!" She giggled, and walked off to the Geekatarian party tents, where everyone was celebrating.

Percy walked into Doug, and Doug fell over. Doug got up, but didn't act like Doug anymore. Percy asked, "are you okay?" "Why yes, yes I am." said Doug. "My superior ceribral cortex estimates that I shouldn't be harmed." "Did you just say that, Doug?" Percy stammered. "Yes." Doug said. "Though I don't remember who I am. Am I this Doug, to whom you are referring?"
"Don't you remember, Doug?" Percy said, a tone of fright in his voice. "You were the leader of the Dumbo party!" "Truly?" Doug said. "Very well. But what does the Dumbo party do?"

This moment was the time most regretted by Percy. "Fight against the Geekatarian Party," Percy said. "But we already on. Bright is the head of the city, now." "Hmmm..." Doug obviously thinking. "I had better be off. Where is my house?" "On Dunce Road, turn at Bonehead Lane, your house is the first one." Percy said. "Do you need help driving?" "No, no."Doug said. "I can drive. I just don't know who I am." "You are Doug-" Percy began. "Enough!" Doug said. "I know. I must be leaving. Good day." And Doug went off, leaving Percy perplexed.

7

The following day had a certain uneasyness. For one day, Jones didn't bury his pineapple. For another thing, little Timmy from accross the lane's party has been moved to tomorrow. That was very strange, for little Timmy was an adamant short adult man, and not a kid as most of you probably thought. Adamant means sticking to something, and not letting go easily, so you can imagine how strange that was. Also, though the Smart people were being treated more rudely than ever, all of them were being invited to little Timmy from across the lane's party.

And Peter still hadn't gotten a saltshaker. Rather, he was mumbling about getting Timmy mini pies. In fact, that was what all of the townspeople who were not smart wanted to get little Timmy from across the lane: mini pies. All of these rumors reached the ears of Bright and Percy, and all the rest of the Geekatarian party.

And nevertheless of all the pushing, shoving, hair pulling, name calling, food fights, forced donut eating, and other crude things that would annoy only those of the higher intellect, all 99 geniuses were planning to go to that party, because it meant free cake. And who could turn that down? Certainly not me. I'm sure you wouldn't. And all 99 Geekatarian members were surprised that the whole population of the city was at the party. They were also surprised when all of little Timmy from across the lane's presents were mini-pies. But when everyone except for our smart 99 people grabbed a pie or two, and surrounded our 99 smart people, the realized. It wasn't a party. It was a trap, made by the smarter Doug, who wished to be the ruler of the city.

8

A fight ensued. At first, all seemed to be going for the Dumbo party. But all of the idiots surrounding the 99 started eating pie. Our 99 got away, and Doug was furious. Dour immediately began to run a program to make the stupid smart. Training camps were set up. The simplest instructions were issued. But for all this perparation, the forever stupid just didn't seem to get it.

The Geekatarian Party; meanwhile, had plans as well. Bright and other leading smart people began to devise a plan. And some defenses. They also discussed Doug's brilliance. "I have no idea how he got this brain power." Percy said, munching a Pop-Smart. "You must be turning stupid, Percy." Sabrina said with a smile. "It's obvious that when Doug got hit in the cerebellum, he had a click in his head that made him smart." "Funny, all of the stuff we tried to teach him in the past is out to get us." Greg said. "I may not be smart, but I am sure as heck not dumb either." Then they began devising a plan.

Doug finally found an incentive. Those Greasy Bob Donuts. Now the battle begins. And one final fail-safe for Doug to set up...

9

Doug have an ultra complex speech, that confused the stupid side of Simpleton City more than ever. The plan was simple. They had to throw the pies AT Bright and Co. The stupid people finally got it.

Bright's plan was pretty much the same. Chuck pies, and don't get hit. A chubby guy by the name of Edward moaned at the waste of pie. "Oh, do be quiet." Percy said. "It's for a good cause." The two sides lined up. Both sides lined up. It was quiet. Stares of concentration occured. Someone blinked. "Ha! I win!" someone else shouted, obviously playing a game no one else was playing. Doug shushed the man up, and it became quiet again. Bright demanded surrender. Doug said no. The smart group charged quickly. Pies flew through the air. The stupid fought back, but with the smart throwing calculated throws, they fell back.

"This is too easy!" Greg shouted at Percy. Percy smirked, and said, "They're stupid, remember?" Greg began thinking. The Dumbo group was losing, and Doug didn't seem to care. There was some sort of trap here. There had to be.

Doug wondered anxiously whether the loss was looking too great. If his plan was to work, he had to lose, and turn stupid again. But he had to make his loss more convincing. "Spring the trap." Doug said. "Yes, sir," Jones said.

The earth shook. A huge gap was appearing around the battlers in the ground. Inside, a bunch of pineapples were lying around. There were also tons of stupid reinforcements. "I never thought there would be a trap!" Bright shouted. "They are too stupid!" The Geekatarian Party was losing. Doug's voice cackled in the speakers around the gap. "Surrender!", Doug shouted. The words "surrender" echoed throughout the battlefield. All the stupid people stopped fighting. They began tossing pies on the ground. Or eating. The stupid surrendered, just like Doug ordered, though that was not what Doug intended.

"Get away!" Doug screeched. He ran from the pursuing 99, but tripped. Doug's head hit the ground hard. Doug didn't seem smart when he got up. And he wasn't. Doug was back, for real.

10

All was well again. Edward continued making Pop-Smarts, Greg continued to do what average people do, and Percy began writing a history of the city. He finished a month afterwards. He included all that had transpired in this book. I suppose you are wondering who wrote this book. Well, stop wondering, and look at the title. Or the cover. Or the back jacket, if this makes hard cover for some reason. I had nothing to do with the events of this book, but I certainly have something to do with the next book, assuming I get around to writing it. You know, I could lose my memory, or my marbles, or my marble collection. Any one of these could deter me from writing the second book. When most people narrarate in books, they are all like, "don't read this. It is a secret. It's too sad." I encourage you to read this, the main reason being the more you read, the less stupid you are.

END

Annotations

1. The title of the story was originally called 'Peter The Not-Very-Smart'. I changed the title to 'A Geeky Story' later on when Peter was no longer the main character of the story. This sentence only makes complete sense with that knowledge.

2. A Native American headdress. You must pardon my lack of vernacular.

3. This poor spelling was actually intentional, because the store was named Kilt's.

Final Words

I had planned a sequel, where Doug obviously faked his stupidity. Doug would end up inventing a stupid ray, and would shoot Bright with it, and basically use it by himself to make everyone dumb.

So yeah, that's the awful story I wrote from ages ago. There were some clever bits, but most of it was just hilarious lameness. Why am I sharing this obviously embarrassing story? Because I felt like it. Also, there were some f.dsian memes, such as explaining jokes. I was an f.dser before it was cool, it seems.

37
General Discussion / Seprix's Avatar Station
« on: September 02, 2016, 04:14:08 pm »
I've been making some avatars lately for people, and here are a couple of the results:

For myself, I've made tons of avatars. Here is just a small sampling of everything I have made for myself. I have tons more, even.



And here are avatars I've made for other people thus far:



I will update this thread as I add avatars.

38
Dominion General Discussion / Dominion Tier List: 2016
« on: August 31, 2016, 08:56:09 pm »
Welcome to the Dominion Tier List for 2016! Simply vote on a scale of 0-10 for each card given. You will systematically rate all of the Dominion Cards in this way. All of the ratings given to each individual card will help process where the card will land on the final Tier List.

How will the cards be processed? All of the card's ratings by every user will be averaged to find out the aggregate ranking of the card. Then, the cards will be grouped into Tier lists. It is important to remember that cards that come before or after one another in a specific tier (for example, tier A) are not by definition better or worse than another card, but similar in overall strength. (For example, Mountebank might be on the list of A tier cards before Chapel, but it does not mean Mountebank is better)

There is one rating bar from 0 to 10 per card. Things that should factor into the rating are the cost of the card, overall strength, and how often it is used in a given Kingdom.

An example: Scout will almost never get bought for its overall strength. In addition, Scout will almost never be used in general. However, Scout only costs $4.

Another example: Expand is a card that costs $7 and is very strong, but is not always picked up in a given Kingdom.

Use your discretion when ranking cards. Do not just rate cards 10 or 0 without them having deserved it. Try to moderate your views on a card in order to give it the fairest overall rating possible.

Thank you for voting! Please be patient while each survey comes up! I won't be able to do them all in a day (and neither will you, you busy folk), so I decided to separate them by Expansions. There will also be separate ranking systems for Events, Landmarks and Ruins, as well as different criteria for voting in those phases. Just read the directions on those to be certain.

Many thanks to Deadlock39 for providing the images in this tier list survey! Also, many thanks to Aleimon Thimble for assisting me in processing all of the information. I couldn't have done it without you. Well, I could have. But it would have taken forever and a day.

39
Dominion General Discussion / Question Regarding Chapel and Armory
« on: August 24, 2016, 10:31:46 am »
Assuming a board where you want Armory and Chapel, do you open Chapel/Armory, or get the Silver with Armory and topdeck a Chapel with the Armory instead? I suppose it doesn't really matter which you do?

40
General Discussion / Worst Thing Of All Time Clickbait Extravaganza
« on: August 23, 2016, 10:28:15 pm »
I asked jsh about writing an introduction, and how he does it so successfully. I can hear his words now: "Look, Seprix. You have to be endearing to your audience, but then you also have to make them slightly uncomfortable." I told him that I wasn't the most endearing person on the planet, and then he told me that I had no future in comedy.

I was shattered. I contemplated my humanity. And then that was when I realized. I didn't have to be funny. I could make a lame poll instead.

So here it is. Vote for the worst annoying thing of all time. And don't forget, I didn't come up with all of these. Jsh and Tracer helped me with this list of sad sad things you would never wish on anyone but your grandmother who betrayed you that one time.

41
Welcome to the Dominion Fantasy League!

The Rules

The object of the game is to get the most total 'wins' from 5 individual handpicked Dominion League players. Each participant adds up the total number of wins from each of the 5 players he picks for his final score.

Drafting

-Each participant is randomly assigned a number from 1-10. This is his drafting number.
-The draft order will be Snake. The 10th player to choose will pick the 11th, the 9th player to choose will pick the 12th, etc., back and forth until the draft is complete.

Scoring

-Each participant adds together all of the points all 5 of his/her players have in total at the end of the season.
-The person with the highest amount of points wins.
-In the event of a tie in points, the winner will be determined by total highest amount of Iso skill with the players selected, so it may be beneficial to take higher ranked players.

Do you think you have what it takes to pick the best performers in the league?

Players:
1. Seprix
2. J Reggie
3. Calamitas
4. Haddock
5. Roadrunner
6. Breppert

42
Game Reports / One of The Best Games I've Ever Played, Part 2
« on: July 30, 2016, 12:50:45 pm »


Code: [Select]
Travelling Fair, Mission, Haven, Ambassador, Steward, Familiar, Bridge Troll, Market, Soothsayer, Tactician, Tribute, Hunting Grounds

http://gokosalvager.com/static/logprettifier.html?https://dominion-game-logs.s3.amazonaws.com/game_logs/20160730/log.0.1469897214141.txt

I played Geronimoo in a fantastic game. He had an early lead I think, but I utilized the Mission/Tactician combo before he did, negating the lead somewhat. It ended in a tense battle for the lead. I drew the right cards at the right moment, and he stalled a little, netting me the win. Even if I lost, I was happy to play this one. It really made me think. The inclusion of just one Event from Adventures made this a vastly different game than if it wasn't there. So many decisions. Deck tracking is a huge plus on this board. Ambassadoring a Province for a win was even more fun.

I wanted to get to Tribute to play more Actions, but there just wasn't enough time. Geronimoo also started Provincing early, which I think may have been a mistake.

43
Goko Dominion Online / Trolls: A Study
« on: July 29, 2016, 12:52:23 pm »
Have you ever ran into a person who played incredibly slow on Dominion Online? Like, really slow? Like, so incredibly slow that they play a Copper every 3-4 minutes to avoid the time-out? I understand your pain, and guess what? I have a solution for you! I have tips and tricks to combat these villainous lowlifers into making them stop. So, are you ready? Here are some helpful tips and tricks on the Troll, and how to combat them.

1. Understand the troll

Understand why he is doing this. Understand the motivations. Understand what he is seeking. A troll generally seeks flippant reactions and anger.

2. Do not give Trolls what they want

Don't give them flippant reactions and anger. Instead, reply calmly. Use correct grammar, to look even more serious about your intentions.

I present an example.



I noticed I ran into a slowroller. I was furious. However, I decided to not let my anger show. Instead, I waited him out, and then gave a direct reply to his insolent play. This is what happened.



I waited for awhile, doing other things while waiting for him to finish his turn. He ended up giving up, and basically sucking up and buddying with me. Do not insult the troll.

The conversation continued.



It helps to not tell the troll that what they are doing is wrong. They know this already. Saying things like that will only make them do harm to you further.



And there you have it. He ended up beating me, but he was civil to the end. I even extended another game to him, but he declined. While I was hoping to beat him and access that sweet juicy Ratings Piñata, I still had fun at the end. And that's all you have to do, really. Just have fun. Don't take trolls seriously. And if all else fails, slowroll them back until they resign and give up. It's about principle. Go do something fun while you wait. Eat ice cream. Make out with your significant other if they're not already repulsed by your constant Dominion playing. Go to Mount Rushmore. The possibilities are endless!

44
Tournaments and Events / A Tournament Question
« on: July 18, 2016, 12:21:15 pm »
I want to try an alternate system for playing in a Tournament. The way I see it, there are some options.

1. Individual play within a bracket
2. Team-based play


With the individual play, there are two strategies:

I. A two sided bracket with the winners on both sides facing off
II. Losers bracket, with the winner of the loser bracket facing off against the winner


For team based play, there are some fun things that can be done as well. A team of 3-4 players can get together and come up with a Team Name. Once that is done, that team can compete against all of the other teams. If it's big enough, there could even be divisions where you play your rivals twice, but that's only an option. At the end of the year, the top two teams play against each other to determine the winner.

I'll sum up the options here:

I. Team based play with divisions
II. Team based play where each team plays each other once

So this is going to be a thread to talk about the options that can be considered. I want to create the best format possible for this format I'll host. I really like the team based option, but it is also the most complicated. I'd like to hear some thoughts on some of these formats.

There is a poll where you can explain your vote and add a comment. I can see all of the votes and comments, so feel free to give any input. You can change your vote at any time. Thank you for reading this and for your discussion.

45
Dominion General Discussion / Governor & I
« on: July 16, 2016, 05:00:44 pm »
I absolutely suck at Governor games. I can never win them anymore. So I'd like a rundown on how to play a Governor game well.

46
Tournaments and Events / Seprix's Lame Tournament
« on: July 12, 2016, 09:44:28 pm »
1. Seprix
2. Limetime
3. Traces Around
4. Mail-mi
5. Math
6. Chris is me
7. DedicateDan
8. TeamRocketGrunt

Second bracket:
1. Orange
2. LunaBear
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

Seeds will be determined by Isotropic position. First to four wins goes to the next round. Sign up! ...if you dare...

There is a second bracket, where the winners of that bracket may compete against the winner of the last bracket.

47
Dominion General Discussion / Trying to find a Dominion Sumulator
« on: July 03, 2016, 04:47:55 pm »
It was not downloadable, but it had a function where you could plug in custom cards and I think it was written as a school project. It measured slowly the best strategy on any given board if I remember correctly. There was a website by some guy and he had a lot of projects on it, and that sim was one of them.

48
General Discussion / Trying to find a Dominion Sumulator
« on: July 03, 2016, 04:42:25 pm »
Whoops, wrong thread.

49
Game Reports / One of The Best Games I've Ever Played
« on: June 30, 2016, 08:03:59 pm »
http://gokosalvager.com/static/logprettifier.html?https://dominion-game-logs.s3.amazonaws.com/game_logs/20160630/log.0.1467331154697.txt



Code: [Select]
Bonfire, Coin of the Realm, Scrying Pool, Duplicate, Marauder, Remake, Catacombs, Margrave, Mountebank, Soothsayer, Wharf
Wow was this game tense. I fell behind (probably because my opening was horrible), but I came back to win it on piles. This was one of the proudest Dominion moments I've ever had. It helped that my opponent was getting a bunch of Gold for no reason, but he had me beat in Wharfs, economy, buys, gains, and even had so many Coins, which were the only +Actions. He was drawing his deck every turn, too. The only thing I had going for me was that I didn't lose the Scrying Pool split, where we split 5/5. Thank goodness for that.

50
Rules Questions / Enchantress and Reserves
« on: June 28, 2016, 12:31:14 pm »
Opponent plays Enchantress, my turn. If I call say, a Guide, will it be affected by Enchantress? I can see this leaning both ways. Calling a card may not be playing an Action card, but it also may be so.

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