Look, I appreciate your concern for my feelings. It's really great. I don't want to talk about it here. Stef, you've made a lot of assumptions in your post about what's going on in my head. Some of them are not entirely wrong, but there's a lot you (and everyone else) don't know about me as a person and I want to keep it that way. The fact that the last year has been a huge success for me emotionally in all other aspects of my life and I just lost my you-know-what over this makes me convinced that the problem isn't me, but it's this subboard. My reaction to this particular thing is separate and it's none of anybody's business.
I think you meant well, Stef, but your comment about me needing a vacation and about my stream commentary and all that stuff, given how much you don't know about the situation, comes of as condescending. I will decide what's best for me -- I think it happens to be something similar to what you suggested, but that is my decision and nobody else's. Please just let me deal with it.
SCSN, maybe you meant no disrespect, but it came across that way. I had a simple request that feedback like yours be posted in the thread I linked, which you ignored even after I reminded you of it. You are slightly less of a jerk than you would have been if you had been trying to be disrespectful, but that doesn't change the way you made me feel. In fact, in this case your intent doesn't matter.
If I didn't know what the N-word meant and I was saying it all the time (not meaning any offense), sure the right thing to do is for someone to tell me "hey, that word is offensive, don't say it." If I continue to say the N-word, even if I don't mean any offense, it makes me a jerk. Sure, it's just a word and I mean no harm, but that doesn't matter; I should stop saying it. Even if I'm OK being a jerk and offending all of these people, I can't be surprised when people I've offended don't want much to do with me.
Your feedback was worth talking about, in fact I even tried to do that! But that conversation went nowhere for several really stupid reasons.