And lo, in the fourth year of his majesty's reign, his copper and silver mines brought him an unprecedented windfall of 5 coins. Greatly pleased, he joins his trusted advisors (Although not the creepy bald one. What is
with that guy?) to discuss the proper course of action.
King: "Well, my most excellent friends, these 5 coins may prove our path to greatness."
Harold the Herald: "Indeed, Sire. Looking throughout the landscape, I know of many great allies we may be able to purchase with this wealth."
King: "Well by all means, my boy, show them in!"
A man with a helmet and a large sword enters and kneels impressively before the throne.
Harold: "Sire, this man is the legendary Margrave. He has fought in many wars and conquered many lands. With his aid, we shall be better able to gather the resources of our kingdom. If we're lucky, he may strike our foes as well, forcing them out of their own holdings just as he strengthens our own."
King: "Astonishing! What an honor to have him at this court."
Margrave: "I do not forget the honor."
The margrave bows once more and leaves.
A new man enters, huddled in shadows. An aristocratic and eerie presence surrounds him.
Harold: (shuddering) "Majesty, this is the Count. He is a man with a reputation. They say he continues to exact his price from you even after you would have the sure loyalty of any other man. He will conceal from you things in your own court, sow graft in our bureaucracy by patronizing his copper-mining friends, or even attempt to undermine parts of the land."
Count: "Business is business, your majesty."
King: "What do you do besides this?"
Count: (with a knowing and condescending smirk) "I have a lifetime of political savvy. If need be, I can execute every member of a corrupt and decedent court like
that."
The count snaps his fingers, and in another room, all the inhabitants beg for mercy.
King: "I'm unsure of this. Your price is a heavy one. With that much wealth, I could easily buy a duchy instead, expanding my lands."
The count snaps his fingers once more, and the map on the king's table transforms, to include significantly more land.
King: "But... How?
"
Count: "Everything is possible with the aid of the count, sire."
He bows, and departs.
King: "You weren't kidding, Harold. We have some of the greatest men in the kingdom at our disposal."
Harold: "That's only the beginning, sire. The brave Hunting Party can scour an entire kingdom from top to bottom to find your lost holdings in the course of a single morning. The mad and seemingly unhinged Cultist controls a vast network of like-minded allies, who will tear your foes' buildings to ruin in order to appease their heathen gods. The wicked Mountebank has ruined countless lives by devaluing the currency of countries he pretends to befriend... and today, for the first time, he is ours to purchase."
A raggedy man surrounded by flies walks into the room.
Man: "Hey, don't forget me!"
King: "Wait. Aren't you the janitor?"
Man: "Don't try my patience. I've been at the back of the line all day. Here's my offer: 5 coins, or I'm out of here."
The man picks his nose and wipes it on a tapestry while the King stares in silence.
King: "Who are you supposed to be?"
Man: "A Junk Dealer. Hey, can I buy that there copper mine?"
You have to admit, it's pretty weird that his services cost as much as they do.