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Author Topic: A joke thread  (Read 181885 times)

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Axxle

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #125 on: September 24, 2012, 04:57:20 pm »
+1

Sinister is also what makes Ozle's #95 funny, otherwise it's either a tease or an editorial comment.
Sinister was used for left-handedness for much more things outside of chemistry.

"The Latin word sinistra meant "left" as well as "unlucky""
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cayvie

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #126 on: September 24, 2012, 06:20:01 pm »
0

The fork transfer forces you to eat slower, so I've heard that it is an etiquette thing.  The alternative explanation is that it's a way to ferret out British spies during the American Revolution but that seems pretty dubious.

Hey, it worked in Inglourious Basterds when the British agent used the wrong way to gesture for "three."

Although, I've grown up with sign language, so I still don't get the hang of how "three" is normally presented. It looks like W.

what does six look like to you then
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zporiri

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #127 on: September 24, 2012, 08:01:39 pm »
+5

to appreciate this joke fully, say the answers outloud.


what do you call four spanish-speaking people in quicksand? cuatro cinco

what do you call four french felines in quicksand? quatre cinq

what do you call four americans in quicksand? four five
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Kuildeous

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #128 on: September 24, 2012, 08:31:58 pm »
0

The fork transfer forces you to eat slower, so I've heard that it is an etiquette thing.  The alternative explanation is that it's a way to ferret out British spies during the American Revolution but that seems pretty dubious.

Hey, it worked in Inglourious Basterds when the British agent used the wrong way to gesture for "three."

Although, I've grown up with sign language, so I still don't get the hang of how "three" is normally presented. It looks like W.

what does six look like to you then

Six has the thumb and pinky touching. Not a big deal.

Though there's still the similarity between 2 and V.
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cayvie

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #129 on: September 24, 2012, 08:35:43 pm »
0

The fork transfer forces you to eat slower, so I've heard that it is an etiquette thing.  The alternative explanation is that it's a way to ferret out British spies during the American Revolution but that seems pretty dubious.

Hey, it worked in Inglourious Basterds when the British agent used the wrong way to gesture for "three."

Although, I've grown up with sign language, so I still don't get the hang of how "three" is normally presented. It looks like W.

what does six look like to you then

Six has the thumb and pinky touching. Not a big deal.

Though there's still the similarity between 2 and V.

whoa, you can hold up those 3 fingers to make a "W" without your thumb and pinky touching?

i can't
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Ozle

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #130 on: September 25, 2012, 04:34:01 am »
0

Sinister is also what makes Ozle's #95 funny, otherwise it's either a tease or an editorial comment.
Sinister was used for left-handedness for much more things outside of chemistry.

"The Latin word sinistra meant "left" as well as "unlucky""

I knew the latin bit, which I assume the chemistry comes from

Its also a well known Fact that left handed people are evil, all the great evil people in history were left handed, there has been a bit of a cover up I am sure, but its well known anyway.
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Kuildeous

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #131 on: September 25, 2012, 08:45:36 am »
0

whoa, you can hold up those 3 fingers to make a "W" without your thumb and pinky touching?

i can't

Sure, they're technically touching in a W, but when a person refers to fingers touching, he normally means fingertips. At least I did.

And that is what makes 6 different from W.
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Kirian

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #132 on: September 25, 2012, 09:32:08 am »
0

Sinister is also what makes Ozle's #95 funny, otherwise it's either a tease or an editorial comment.
Sinister was used for left-handedness for much more things outside of chemistry.

"The Latin word sinistra meant "left" as well as "unlucky""

I knew the latin bit, which I assume the chemistry comes from

Its also a well known Fact that left handed people are evil, all the great evil people in history were left handed, there has been a bit of a cover up I am sure, but its well known anyway.

Including 5 of the last 7 US Presidents and 7 of the last twelve (with no correlation to party affiliation).
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Ozle

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #133 on: September 25, 2012, 09:36:51 am »
+4

See, the more you look into it, the more I am right!
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Kuildeous

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #134 on: September 26, 2012, 03:47:45 pm »
+4

An oldie:

A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest. The bear looks over at the rabbit and asks, "Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit indignantly replied, "No, I do not!"

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #135 on: September 27, 2012, 08:26:38 am »
+3

Another mathy one. Not laugh out loud hilarious but I like it:

One alien says to another, "Look, there are 11 zorgaks over there."

The other alien replies, "No, I clearly see 23 of them."

The first says, "Oh, I see. You must use base 4 on your planet. Here we use base 10."

The second then says, "I use base 10 also. What the hell is a 4?"

This was originally posted as a Cowbirds in Love comic:

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Grujah

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #136 on: September 27, 2012, 02:56:40 pm »
0

So, US vs EU thing:  How many righties use their left hand for eating?  Lots (lots) of Americans, when eating meat, will use their right hand for cutting meat with a knife, then set down the fork and transfer it to their right hand.  Anyone else seen this?

No, I eat the proper way, except reversed, knife in left, fork in right.

I've seen people do it, it's meh.
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Cuzz

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #137 on: September 27, 2012, 04:08:59 pm »
0

Another mathy one. Not laugh out loud hilarious but I like it:

One alien says to another, "Look, there are 11 zorgaks over there."

The other alien replies, "No, I clearly see 23 of them."

The first says, "Oh, I see. You must use base 4 on your planet. Here we use base 10."

The second then says, "I use base 10 also. What the hell is a 4?"

This was originally posted as a Cowbirds in Love comic:



Thank you! I was totally blanking on where I had gotten it from.
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jotheonah

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #138 on: September 27, 2012, 04:21:12 pm »
+2

Thank you for reminding me CiL exists. I just read the last like year of updates.
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eHalcyon

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #139 on: September 28, 2012, 02:02:41 am »
+10

One time I entered ten different puns to a joke contest, hoping one of them would win.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Cuzz

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #140 on: September 28, 2012, 10:53:18 pm »
+4

I just had a reddit-level pun exchange with my brother via text. It began with him telling me "No gourd deed goes unpumpkined" and just got much, much worse from there.
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thirtyseven

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #141 on: October 22, 2012, 09:58:16 am »
+10

Would you be able to go to school for one semester debt-free if you had $25,000, tuition cost $13,000, and room cost $7,000?

Depends on the board!                               
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Kuildeous

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #142 on: October 22, 2012, 10:40:11 am »
+1

What do Arkansas* families like to do at Halloween?

Pumpkin

*If you are from Arkansas, please insert West Virginia or other inappropriately stereotypical locale.
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Drab Emordnilap

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #143 on: October 22, 2012, 04:42:17 pm »
+6

In the deep jungles of darkest Africa lived a wild native tribe, with a prideful chief. He lorded over his subjects day after day from atop his throne of mud. One day, one of his weary subjects said to the chief, "Wise One, though your throne is large, it is of such poor material. Would you not look even mightier atop a sturdier throne?"

The chief took these words to heart, and that very day ordered his people to construct him a new throne of wood. Proud and regal sat he upon it, until the same subject approached him once more. "What a great sturdy throne, Wise One, but would you not look more wealthy were your throne more ostentatious?" And so the Chief orders a new throne constructed of bronze.

This continues, day after day, with thrones of bone, of silver, of gold, and evermore, and each day, his people provide him with a new throne, and take the old to store them in the attic of the Wise One's grass hut. One night, however, the weight above the Chief as he slept was too much, and the structure collapsed, killing the Chief.

The moral? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
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thirtyseven

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #144 on: October 24, 2012, 12:49:20 am »
+15

There was a tree who wanted to travel the world, so he packed his trunk and left the forest. A ways off, he suddenly encountered a man holding a chainsaw with several dead trees stacked up behind him!

The tree was petrified. The chainsaw-wielding man threatened, "Take me to your forest, or I will chop you down and put you with the others!"

The tree could not outrun the man so he had a choice to make, spare his own life and have his family killed, or wind up dead on a mound of other dead trees. With sap dripping from his eyes, he went for the tree-pile ending.                                               
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Archetype

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #145 on: October 24, 2012, 01:56:37 am »
+1

With the number of piles he must of emptied, I wouldnt be suprised if that man was a Woodcutter.
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Morgrim7

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #146 on: October 24, 2012, 02:28:21 am »
0

With the number of piles he must of emptied, I wouldnt be suprised if that man was a Woodcutter.
Woodcutter helps empty piles?
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eHalcyon

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #147 on: October 24, 2012, 04:21:50 am »
+4

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Kuildeous

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #148 on: October 24, 2012, 08:51:08 am »
+4

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Ozle

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #149 on: October 24, 2012, 08:55:28 am »
+4

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