Dominion Strategy Forum

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 [5] 6 7 ... 25  All

Author Topic: A joke thread  (Read 181815 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Ozle

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3625
  • Sorry, this text is personal.
  • Respect: +3360
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #100 on: September 21, 2012, 07:53:44 pm »
0

  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?


The pervading stench of evil coming from them!

I'm left handed!!

Point proven.
Logged
Try the Ozle Google Map Challenge!
http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7466.0

Sullying players Enjoyment of Innovation since 2013 Apparently!

Morgrim7

  • Torturer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1701
  • Torturer chains? How primitive.
  • Respect: +748
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #101 on: September 22, 2012, 04:48:02 am »
0

  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?


The pervading stench of evil coming from them!

I'm left handed!!

Point proven.
I am left handed too, am I evil?
Logged
"Oh sweet merciful heavens.

I sit here, lost amongst the cloud, that which is the brain of the Morgrim Mod. Perhaps I will learn the inner workings of that storied mind. Perhaps I will simply go mad.

Mad, I tell you.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaad." -Voltgloss
Dominion Notation: http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7265.msg206246#msg206246

Grujah

  • Mountebank
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2237
  • Respect: +1177
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #102 on: September 22, 2012, 09:37:22 am »
0

I think I've said this before, but I am a leftie too, and a total one at that. Most lefties still use mouse with their right, I cannot. I use my left for EVERYTHING.
Logged

Morgrim7

  • Torturer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1701
  • Torturer chains? How primitive.
  • Respect: +748
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #103 on: September 23, 2012, 06:29:49 am »
0

I think I've said this before, but I am a leftie too, and a total one at that. Most lefties still use mouse with their right, I cannot. I use my left for EVERYTHING.
Huh. I use my right for everything.
Logged
"Oh sweet merciful heavens.

I sit here, lost amongst the cloud, that which is the brain of the Morgrim Mod. Perhaps I will learn the inner workings of that storied mind. Perhaps I will simply go mad.

Mad, I tell you.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaad." -Voltgloss
Dominion Notation: http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7265.msg206246#msg206246

GendoIkari

  • Adventurer
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 9701
  • Respect: +10741
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #104 on: September 23, 2012, 12:45:09 pm »
0

I think I've said this before, but I am a leftie too, and a total one at that. Most lefties still use mouse with their right, I cannot. I use my left for EVERYTHING.
Huh. I use my right for everything.

I'm right handed except for billiards. I can play billiards with both hands, but I'm a lot better with my left.
Logged
Check out my F.DS extension for Chrome! Card links; Dominion icons, and maybe more! http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=13363.0

Thread for Firefox version:
http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=16305.0

Kirian

  • Adventurer
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 7096
  • Shuffle iT Username: Kirian
  • An Unbalanced Equation
  • Respect: +9411
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #105 on: September 23, 2012, 05:18:05 pm »
+1

So, US vs EU thing:  How many righties use their left hand for eating?  Lots (lots) of Americans, when eating meat, will use their right hand for cutting meat with a knife, then set down the fork and transfer it to their right hand.  Anyone else seen this?
Logged
Kirian's Law of f.DS jokes:  Any sufficiently unexplained joke is indistinguishable from serious conversation.

eHalcyon

  • Adventurer
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 8689
  • Respect: +9187
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #106 on: September 23, 2012, 05:51:49 pm »
+1

So, US vs EU thing:  How many righties use their left hand for eating?  Lots (lots) of Americans, when eating meat, will use their right hand for cutting meat with a knife, then set down the fork and transfer it to their right hand.  Anyone else seen this?

I'm like that with my left hand.  I'm just really clumsy with my right so I can't knife or fork with it.  Yes I just verbed those nouns.
Logged

SwitchedFromStarcraft

  • Saboteur
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1088
  • Respect: +856
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #107 on: September 23, 2012, 06:11:48 pm »
0

So, US vs EU thing:  How many righties use their left hand for eating?  Lots (lots) of Americans, when eating meat, will use their right hand for cutting meat with a knife, then set down the fork and transfer it to their right hand.  Anyone else seen this?
I got taken to task yesterday for a similar thing.  I'm a righty, but all my fishing reels have the handle on the right side, because after I cast, I move the rod to my left hand and reel right-handed.  The guy at the fishing store said "Why are you adding all those steps?"
Logged
Quote from: Donald X.
Posting begets posting.

Quote from: Asper
Donald X made me a design snob.

There is a sucker born every minute.

Tables

  • Margrave
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2816
  • Build more Bridges in the King's Court!
  • Respect: +3347
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #108 on: September 23, 2012, 06:32:37 pm »
+1

So, US vs EU thing:  How many righties use their left hand for eating?  Lots (lots) of Americans, when eating meat, will use their right hand for cutting meat with a knife, then set down the fork and transfer it to their right hand.  Anyone else seen this?

I do it the way I've been taught is polite. Knife in right hand, Fork in left, always.
Logged
...spin-offs are still better for all of the previously cited reasons.
But not strictly better, because the spinoff can have a different cost than the expansion.

Ozle

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3625
  • Sorry, this text is personal.
  • Respect: +3360
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #109 on: September 24, 2012, 09:09:40 am »
+2

See, this just proves that left hand people are trying to cover up their left handedness, and why do they want to cover it up? Because they are up to no good obviously.

Logged
Try the Ozle Google Map Challenge!
http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7466.0

Sullying players Enjoyment of Innovation since 2013 Apparently!

Ozle

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3625
  • Sorry, this text is personal.
  • Respect: +3360
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #110 on: September 24, 2012, 09:10:33 am »
+1

I think I've said this before, but I am a leftie too, and a total one at that. Most lefties still use mouse with their right, I cannot. I use my left for EVERYTHING.
Huh. I use my right for everything.

I'm right handed except for billiards. I can play billiards with both hands, but I'm a lot better with my left.

Billiards?! Do you also play in the 1920's as well as with your left hand?!
Logged
Try the Ozle Google Map Challenge!
http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7466.0

Sullying players Enjoyment of Innovation since 2013 Apparently!

Captain_Frisk

  • Saboteur
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1257
  • Respect: +1263
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #111 on: September 24, 2012, 09:12:24 am »
+1

So, US vs EU thing:  How many righties use their left hand for eating?  Lots (lots) of Americans, when eating meat, will use their right hand for cutting meat with a knife, then set down the fork and transfer it to their right hand.  Anyone else seen this?

This is the way I taught, but abandoned in my older years as I realized that it's acceptable to do it either way, and the transfer is super ineffcient.

I'm not sure that I was taught to actually set the fork down, or just pass it to the right hand prior to eating.

Logged
I support funsockets.... taking as much time as they need to get it right.

Ozle

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3625
  • Sorry, this text is personal.
  • Respect: +3360
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #112 on: September 24, 2012, 09:13:48 am »
0

Why would people teach people that way?

Surely you put the knife in your strongest hand!

This is like the shoelace tying thing all over again!
Logged
Try the Ozle Google Map Challenge!
http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7466.0

Sullying players Enjoyment of Innovation since 2013 Apparently!

Captain_Frisk

  • Saboteur
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1257
  • Respect: +1263
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #113 on: September 24, 2012, 09:16:42 am »
0

This is like the shoelace tying thing all over again!
Shoelaces are the work of the devil.  Loafers only!
Logged
I support funsockets.... taking as much time as they need to get it right.

Captain_Frisk

  • Saboteur
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1257
  • Respect: +1263
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #114 on: September 24, 2012, 09:17:24 am »
0

This is like the shoelace tying thing all over again!
Shoelaces are the work of the devil.  Loafers only!
Velcro is a minor sin, but acceptable with an appropriate tithe to offset.
Logged
I support funsockets.... taking as much time as they need to get it right.

theory

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3603
  • Respect: +6121
    • View Profile
    • Dominion Strategy
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #115 on: September 24, 2012, 10:30:26 am »
+2

The fork transfer forces you to eat slower, so I've heard that it is an etiquette thing.  The alternative explanation is that it's a way to ferret out British spies during the American Revolution but that seems pretty dubious.
Logged

Kuildeous

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3840
  • Respect: +2219
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #116 on: September 24, 2012, 11:56:33 am »
0

The fork transfer forces you to eat slower, so I've heard that it is an etiquette thing.  The alternative explanation is that it's a way to ferret out British spies during the American Revolution but that seems pretty dubious.

Hey, it worked in Inglourious Basterds when the British agent used the wrong way to gesture for "three."

Although, I've grown up with sign language, so I still don't get the hang of how "three" is normally presented. It looks like W.
Logged
A man has no signature

Ozle

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3625
  • Sorry, this text is personal.
  • Respect: +3360
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #117 on: September 24, 2012, 12:18:30 pm »
+7

The fork transfer forces you to eat slower, so I've heard that it is an etiquette thing.  The alternative explanation is that it's a way to ferret out British spies during the American Revolution but that seems pretty dubious.

<insert joke about Americans not needing cutlery to eat from KFC bargain bucket here>
Logged
Try the Ozle Google Map Challenge!
http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7466.0

Sullying players Enjoyment of Innovation since 2013 Apparently!

Ozle

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3625
  • Sorry, this text is personal.
  • Respect: +3360
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #118 on: September 24, 2012, 12:20:04 pm »
0

But it looks like just a style brought across with the settlers that never got changed.

A bit like the French way of eating used to be all courses served at the same time, and the current set meal style that most people use in restaurants is derived from the Russians.
Logged
Try the Ozle Google Map Challenge!
http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=7466.0

Sullying players Enjoyment of Innovation since 2013 Apparently!

Kuildeous

  • Cartographer
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3840
  • Respect: +2219
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #119 on: September 24, 2012, 02:55:00 pm »
+7

How did a conversation about left-handers show up in a joke thread? Must be some sort of sinister plot.

To tie the two together, here is a joke I copied directly from some website.

A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
Logged
A man has no signature

RichardNixon

  • Spy
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 82
  • Respect: +21
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #120 on: September 24, 2012, 04:25:56 pm »
+1

So, US vs EU thing:  How many righties use their left hand for eating?  Lots (lots) of Americans, when eating meat, will use their right hand for cutting meat with a knife, then set down the fork and transfer it to their right hand.  Anyone else seen this?

This is the way I taught, but abandoned in my older years as I realized that it's acceptable to do it either way, and the transfer is super ineffcient.

I'm not sure that I was taught to actually set the fork down, or just pass it to the right hand prior to eating.

I was explicitly taught as a child that there is an American way and a European way.

I prefer the switch myself, when I eat with my left hand if feels like a different person is feeding me. (No one went there yet?)
« Last Edit: September 24, 2012, 04:27:02 pm by RichardNixon »
Logged
"If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure."
~ Dan Quayle

SwitchedFromStarcraft

  • Saboteur
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1088
  • Respect: +856
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #121 on: September 24, 2012, 04:27:01 pm »
+2

How did a conversation about left-handers show up in a joke thread? Must be some sort of sinister plot.

To tie the two together, here is a joke I copied directly from some website.

A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
+1 more for the chemistry reference ahead of a joke about "chemistry". Is it even possible to take Latin in school anymore?
Logged
Quote from: Donald X.
Posting begets posting.

Quote from: Asper
Donald X made me a design snob.

There is a sucker born every minute.

eHalcyon

  • Adventurer
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 8689
  • Respect: +9187
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #122 on: September 24, 2012, 04:29:28 pm »
0

How did a conversation about left-handers show up in a joke thread? Must be some sort of sinister plot.

To tie the two together, here is a joke I copied directly from some website.

A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
+1 more for the chemistry reference ahead of a joke about "chemistry". Is it even possible to take Latin in school anymore?

How is "sinister" a chemistry reference?  Latin reference, sure.  But Chemistry?
Logged

SwitchedFromStarcraft

  • Saboteur
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1088
  • Respect: +856
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #123 on: September 24, 2012, 04:35:31 pm »
+1

How did a conversation about left-handers show up in a joke thread? Must be some sort of sinister plot.

To tie the two together, here is a joke I copied directly from some website.

A husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house and slept in our bed, would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
+1 more for the chemistry reference ahead of a joke about "chemistry". Is it even possible to take Latin in school anymore?

How is "sinister" a chemistry reference?  Latin reference, sure.  But Chemistry?
It's used in a naming convention for enantiomers. "Right-handed" molecules are labeled with R, for the rectus, and "left-handed' molecules are labeled with S, for sinister.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chirality_(chemistry) in the section under "Naming Conventions".

Edit: Actually, this may be better:

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Organic_Chemistry/Chirality/R-S_notational_system
« Last Edit: September 24, 2012, 04:36:40 pm by SwitchedFromStarcraft »
Logged
Quote from: Donald X.
Posting begets posting.

Quote from: Asper
Donald X made me a design snob.

There is a sucker born every minute.

SwitchedFromStarcraft

  • Saboteur
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1088
  • Respect: +856
    • View Profile
Re: A joke thread
« Reply #124 on: September 24, 2012, 04:40:16 pm »
0

Sinister is also what makes Ozle's #95 funny, otherwise it's either a tease or an editorial comment.
Logged
Quote from: Donald X.
Posting begets posting.

Quote from: Asper
Donald X made me a design snob.

There is a sucker born every minute.
Pages: 1 ... 3 4 [5] 6 7 ... 25  All
 

Page created in 0.057 seconds with 21 queries.