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Author Topic: A joke thread  (Read 181843 times)

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SwitchedFromStarcraft

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #75 on: September 19, 2012, 01:24:16 pm »
0

Two men are sitting in the basket of a balloon. For hours, they have been drifting through a thick layer of clouds, and they have lost orientation completely. Suddenly, the clouds part, and the two men see the top of a mountain with a man standing on it.
"Hey! Can you tell us where we are?!"
The man doesn't reply. The minutes pass as the balloon drifts past the mountain. When the balloon is about to be swallowed again by the clouds, the man on the mountain shouts: "You're in a balloon!"
"That must have been a mathematician."
"Why?"
"He thought long and thoroughly about what to say. What he eventually said was irrefutably correct. And it was of no use whatsoever..."

This joke has a longer version.

Speaking of long jokes, have you heard the one about Nate the Snake?  I have been sorely tempted to post it here, but it is very, very long.

I know this joke. It's golden. Post it. ;D
Oh boy.  If you post it (and you should), I'm gonna +1 just for the amount of typing involved.

And then retract the +1 when you realize he simply copy/pasted it from a website?
Nah, but after thinking about it, I might only give him the +1 if he logged in from a Google account, search for the source on Google, and owned Walled Village.
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Galzria

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #76 on: September 19, 2012, 01:35:15 pm »
+4

Two men are sitting in the basket of a balloon. For hours, they have been drifting through a thick layer of clouds, and they have lost orientation completely. Suddenly, the clouds part, and the two men see the top of a mountain with a man standing on it.
"Hey! Can you tell us where we are?!"
The man doesn't reply. The minutes pass as the balloon drifts past the mountain. When the balloon is about to be swallowed again by the clouds, the man on the mountain shouts: "You're in a balloon!"
"That must have been a mathematician."
"Why?"
"He thought long and thoroughly about what to say. What he eventually said was irrefutably correct. And it was of no use whatsoever..."

This joke has a longer version.

Speaking of long jokes, have you heard the one about Nate the Snake?  I have been sorely tempted to post it here, but it is very, very long.

I know this joke. It's golden. Post it. ;D
Oh boy.  If you post it (and you should), I'm gonna +1 just for the amount of typing involved.

And then retract the +1 when you realize he simply copy/pasted it from a website?

Holy crap this "joke" is long.  I'm 2/3 of the way through, but I'll take some +1's for linking to it:

http://natethesnake.com/

No +1's for you. You gave me the link, and thus the means, of wasting too many precious minutes of my life on... That... Ugh.
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TOWN Wins: M3, M5, M6, M11, M17, M28, M32, M105, M108, M114, M118, M120, M122, DM1, DoM1, OZ2, RM45, RM47, RM48, RM49, RM55
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Captain_Frisk

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #77 on: September 19, 2012, 01:49:22 pm »
+3

To be fair - I hadn't read the amazing punchline.  All that buildup was totally worth it!
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Galzria

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #78 on: September 19, 2012, 01:50:31 pm »
0

To be fair - I hadn't read the amazing punchline.  All that buildup was totally worth it!

Now THAT, that gets a +1
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Derphammering is when quickhammers go derp.

Faust has also been incredibly stubborn this game. In other news, it's hot in the summer, and water falls from the sky when it rains.


Mafia Record:
TOWN Wins: M3, M5, M6, M11, M17, M28, M32, M105, M108, M114, M118, M120, M122, DM1, DoM1, OZ2, RM45, RM47, RM48, RM49, RM55
TOWN Losses: M4, M7, M8, M9, M13, M14, M18, M31, M110, M111, M113, M117, M125, RM3, RM4, RM54
SCUM Wins: M2, M19, M23, M100, DM3, RM1, RM2, RM48, RM50
SCUM Losses: M15 (SK), M102 (Tr), OZ1, RM55

Total Wins: 30
Total Losses: 20

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #79 on: September 19, 2012, 02:04:30 pm »
+4

Goko.
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thirtyseven

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #80 on: September 19, 2012, 02:22:28 pm »
0

Goko.

I see we're breaking out the BIG jokes now...
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SwitchedFromStarcraft

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #81 on: September 19, 2012, 04:55:06 pm »
0

Goko.
Ouch, but +1 here, in addition to the +1 that I gave the post itself.
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eHalcyon

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #82 on: September 19, 2012, 06:11:16 pm »
0

Two men are sitting in the basket of a balloon. For hours, they have been drifting through a thick layer of clouds, and they have lost orientation completely. Suddenly, the clouds part, and the two men see the top of a mountain with a man standing on it.
"Hey! Can you tell us where we are?!"
The man doesn't reply. The minutes pass as the balloon drifts past the mountain. When the balloon is about to be swallowed again by the clouds, the man on the mountain shouts: "You're in a balloon!"
"That must have been a mathematician."
"Why?"
"He thought long and thoroughly about what to say. What he eventually said was irrefutably correct. And it was of no use whatsoever..."

This joke has a longer version.

Speaking of long jokes, have you heard the one about Nate the Snake?  I have been sorely tempted to post it here, but it is very, very long.

I know this joke. It's golden. Post it. ;D
Oh boy.  If you post it (and you should), I'm gonna +1 just for the amount of typing involved.

And then retract the +1 when you realize he simply copy/pasted it from a website?

Holy crap this "joke" is long.  I'm 2/3 of the way through, but I'll take some +1's for linking to it:

http://natethesnake.com/

Darn, I was going to link it.
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Captain_Frisk

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #83 on: September 19, 2012, 08:40:08 pm »
+1


Holy crap this "joke" is long.  I'm 2/3 of the way through, but I'll take some +1's for linking to it:

http://natethesnake.com/

Darn, I was going to link it.

Yeah - and it got me 0 +1s.  Offensive.
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theory

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #84 on: September 20, 2012, 03:59:38 pm »
+1

How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry they'll tell you.

Sorry to get all PC but this joke irritates me.  How can you tell someone is atheist?  How can you tell someone is gay?  How can you tell someone is adopted?  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?

These qualities are all (usually) invisible until we are told of them, because we operate in a world of default assumptions.  You have no idea how many [people of X quality] you've met; the only reason you know any is because they tell you.  There are many [people of X quality] that do not tell you they are [X] and that you just don't know have [X].

You can argue that vegans are more militant about their veganism than atheists/gays/adoptees/left-handedness etc., but I doubt it.  From personal experience, and PETA-crazies aside, most vegans are not evangelical.
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Jorbles

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #85 on: September 20, 2012, 04:59:35 pm »
+2

How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry they'll tell you.

Sorry to get all PC but this joke irritates me.  How can you tell someone is atheist?  How can you tell someone is gay?  How can you tell someone is adopted?  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?

These qualities are all (usually) invisible until we are told of them, because we operate in a world of default assumptions.  You have no idea how many [people of X quality] you've met; the only reason you know any is because they tell you.  There are many [people of X quality] that do not tell you they are [X] and that you just don't know have [X].

You can argue that vegans are more militant about their veganism than atheists/gays/adoptees/left-handedness etc., but I doubt it.  From personal experience, and PETA-crazies aside, most vegans are not evangelical.

Sorry if it offends, that wasn't my intention. The joke plays on the fact that vegans do tend to mention it if they're vegan. I think the reason vegans tend to be fairly out about their veganism is not out of any militantism, but because people eat 3+ times a day. Eating comes up a lot more often than your other examples (sexuality, religion, adoption, handedness). I guess the reason it's funny though is that it implies militantism on the part of vegans, which if not actually true is certainly a stereotype that fits. The joke would also work for people who have peanut allergies, but there's no stereotype to play off of so it wouldn't be funny. I thought it was fairly inoffensive, but I'll refrain in the future.
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #86 on: September 20, 2012, 05:02:48 pm »
+14

Another mathy one. Not laugh out loud hilarious but I like it:

One alien says to another, "Look, there are 11 zorgaks over there."

The other alien replies, "No, I clearly see 23 of them."

The first says, "Oh, I see. You must use base 4 on your planet. Here we use base 10."

The second then says, "I use base 10 also. What the hell is a 4?"
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Ozle

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #87 on: September 20, 2012, 05:05:55 pm »
0

Buddha, Jesus, Shiva, Odin, Zeus, The Horned God and the Flying Spaghetti Monster walk into a bar.....
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #88 on: September 20, 2012, 05:15:38 pm »
+1

Another mathy one. Not laugh out loud hilarious but I like it:

One alien says to another, "Look, there are 11 zorgaks over there."

The other alien replies, "No, I clearly see 23 of them."

The first says, "Oh, I see. You must use base 4 on your planet. Here we use base 10."

The second then says, "I use base 10 also. What the hell is a 4?"

But... does this add up?  What bases are the aliens using?  If alien one is using base ten, then it sees eleven zorgaks.
The second alien says 23, so it can't be binary.  It doesn't know 4, so it must be base three.

23 in base three == 12 in base ten

So... it doesn't work?  Unless the first alien is also using something other than base ten?

Edit: no wait, I am misinterpreting.  It must be base four, but yeah, they call it base 10.  MY BAD.  /tired
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #89 on: September 20, 2012, 05:54:29 pm »
+1

"Two plus two equals... bzzz... ten.  In base four, I'm FINE."
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Watno

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #90 on: September 20, 2012, 06:01:42 pm »
+1

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theory

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #91 on: September 20, 2012, 06:07:11 pm »
+1

How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry they'll tell you.

Sorry to get all PC but this joke irritates me.  How can you tell someone is atheist?  How can you tell someone is gay?  How can you tell someone is adopted?  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?

These qualities are all (usually) invisible until we are told of them, because we operate in a world of default assumptions.  You have no idea how many [people of X quality] you've met; the only reason you know any is because they tell you.  There are many [people of X quality] that do not tell you they are [X] and that you just don't know have [X].

You can argue that vegans are more militant about their veganism than atheists/gays/adoptees/left-handedness etc., but I doubt it.  From personal experience, and PETA-crazies aside, most vegans are not evangelical.

Sorry if it offends, that wasn't my intention. The joke plays on the fact that vegans do tend to mention it if they're vegan. I think the reason vegans tend to be fairly out about their veganism is not out of any militantism, but because people eat 3+ times a day. Eating comes up a lot more often than your other examples (sexuality, religion, adoption, handedness). I guess the reason it's funny though is that it implies militantism on the part of vegans, which if not actually true is certainly a stereotype that fits. The joke would also work for people who have peanut allergies, but there's no stereotype to play off of so it wouldn't be funny. I thought it was fairly inoffensive, but I'll refrain in the future.

Oh I'm not offended -- except for that part of me that likes good jokes.  I am simply bothered by it in an OCD-esque manner, the same way that I am bothered by anyone who makes a joke that seems illogical. 
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SirPeebles

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #92 on: September 20, 2012, 07:06:20 pm »
0

How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry they'll tell you.

Sorry to get all PC but this joke irritates me.  How can you tell someone is atheist?  How can you tell someone is gay?  How can you tell someone is adopted?  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?

These qualities are all (usually) invisible until we are told of them, because we operate in a world of default assumptions.  You have no idea how many [people of X quality] you've met; the only reason you know any is because they tell you.  There are many [people of X quality] that do not tell you they are [X] and that you just don't know have [X].

You can argue that vegans are more militant about their veganism than atheists/gays/adoptees/left-handedness etc., but I doubt it.  From personal experience, and PETA-crazies aside, most vegans are not evangelical.

"We don't see meat eating as we do vegetarianism -- as a choice, based on a set of assumptions about animals, our world, and ourselves. Rather, we see it as a given, the "natural" thing do. We eat animals without thinking what we are doing and why because the belief system that underlies this behavior is invisible." -- Melanie Joy.
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #93 on: September 20, 2012, 08:13:11 pm »
+9

Another mathy one. Not laugh out loud hilarious but I like it:

One alien says to another, "Look, there are 11 zorgaks over there."

The other alien replies, "No, I clearly see 23 of them."

The first says, "Oh, I see. You must use base 4 on your planet. Here we use base 10."

The second then says, "I use base 10 also. What the hell is a 4?"

Why do mathematicians get Christmas and Halloween confused?

Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
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SwitchedFromStarcraft

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #94 on: September 20, 2012, 08:58:57 pm »
0

Cersei Lannister
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had to quote this one from the design contest
I hate that bitch.  I just started GoT II, and can't wait until the dragons roast her alive from the neck down.  Don't want her pretty face spoiled though, as it's going on a pike, next to Ned Stark's.
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #95 on: September 21, 2012, 03:12:16 am »
+6

  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?


The pervading stench of evil coming from them!
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #96 on: September 21, 2012, 09:45:10 am »
+1

So... it doesn't work?  Unless the first alien is also using something other than base ten?

Edit: no wait, I am misinterpreting.  It must be base four, but yeah, they call it base 10.  MY BAD.  /tired

I also had to think that through.

My problem was that I immediately thought of 10 as a construct of binary. So, I was wondering how that alien could even count to 23.

I don't work with other bases enough to pick up on that. When I see 10 (or any combination of 0s and 1s), I instantly think of it as a binary number and not a number in another base that just happens to be made up of 0s and 1s. The only exception would be decimal (and sometimes hexadecimal).

But it is a brilliant joke.
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eHalcyon

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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #97 on: September 21, 2012, 03:16:54 pm »
+1

  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?


The pervading stench of evil coming from them!

I'm left handed!!
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #98 on: September 21, 2012, 06:17:59 pm »
+1

  How can you tell if someone is left-handed?


The pervading stench of evil coming from them!

I'm left handed!!

vote: ehalcyon

(i'm a lefty too)
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Re: A joke thread
« Reply #99 on: September 21, 2012, 06:23:31 pm »
0

So... it doesn't work?  Unless the first alien is also using something other than base ten?

Edit: no wait, I am misinterpreting.  It must be base four, but yeah, they call it base 10.  MY BAD.  /tired

I also had to think that through.

My problem was that I immediately thought of 10 as a construct of binary. So, I was wondering how that alien could even count to 23.

I don't work with other bases enough to pick up on that. When I see 10 (or any combination of 0s and 1s), I instantly think of it as a binary number and not a number in another base that just happens to be made up of 0s and 1s. The only exception would be decimal (and sometimes hexadecimal).

But it is a brilliant joke.

It's also brilliant as a caution against egocentrism. We often see "10" and think it means "ten", but it really means [whatever base you're in]. So everyone thinks they are in base "10", it this can mean very different things to them. Similarly, everyone here claims they are "decent" at Dominion, because, well, you're comparing to yourself and the people you get auto-matched with, which is biased toward your own level. So no one thinks they are "bad" or "good", because we're all thinking were are level "10" in base [actual level].
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