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werothegreat

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Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« on: May 30, 2012, 05:36:17 pm »
0

By "flavor paragraph" I mean the "explanatory" text that comes on the box of each set.  I've always had a fondness for Intrigue's "The eggs are on the plate," but Seaside's gibbering about rivers is always nice, too.  Here's how I'd rank them, best to meh'st:

Intrigue - EGGS
Seaside - "The natives seem friendly enough, ... giving you spears ... before you are even close enough to accept them properly."
Prosperity - "You also have the world's smallest dog, and a life-size statue of yourself made out of baklava."
Dark Ages - "...when suddenly there's a plague, or barbarians, or everyone's illiterate..."
Alchemy - "They're looking for a way to turn lead into gold, or at least into something better than lead."
Hinterlands
Base
Cornucopia - this one just took "meh" to a whole new level.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2012, 05:57:11 pm »
+1

"Exotic countries where they have pancakes but not waffles" from Hinterlands is either the greatest line of them all (for creativity), or the worst of them all depending on your stance on waffles.

Sadness would ensue if there were no waffles  :'(
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2012, 06:13:11 pm »
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"Exotic countries where they have pancakes but not waffles" from Hinterlands is either the greatest line of them all (for creativity), or the worst of them all depending on your stance on waffles.

Sadness would ensue if there were no waffles  :'(
+1 for telling the truth. :'( indeed.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2012, 06:59:08 pm »
+11

It's got to be Hinterlands. It's far better than other expansions. Well, better compared to expansions with worse flavour, but a little worse when compared to expansions with better flavour, and about the same when compared to expansions with a similar calibre of flavour text.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2012, 07:07:09 pm »
+1

"Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can buy envy, anger, and also this kind of blank feeling."

This line alone ensures that Prosperity gets my vote.  Baklava's pretty tasty, too- better than both pancakes and waffles.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2012, 07:11:25 pm »
+3

Yay, the thread I suggested get posted got posted! 

Here's my rankings.  For a change of pace, I'm going meh'st to best, with my favorite line out of each.

- Base: "Your parents wouldn't be proud, but your grandparents, on your mother’s side, would be delighted."

- Alchemy: "A castle that can't be dissolved! Now that's progress."

- Intrigue: "There are secret plots brewing, you're sure of it. At the very least, there are yours."

- Cornucopia: "The peasants have spent a hard week scything hay in the fields, but tonight the festivities begin, starting with a sumptuous banquet of roast hay."

- Dark Ages: "And if it wasn't barbarians it was the plague, or sometimes both would come at once, and there wouldn't be enough chairs."

- Seaside: "These are dangerous, pirate-infested waters, and you cautiously send rat-infested ships across them, to establish lucrative trade at far-off merchant-infested ports."

- Prosperity: "Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can buy envy, anger, and also this kind of blank feeling."

And the best of all in my opinion, because I still struggle to read it out loud without laughing uncontrollably:

- Hinterlands: "The world is big and your kingdom small. Small when compared to the world, that is; it’s moderate-sized when compared to other kingdoms. But in a big world like this one - big when compared to smaller worlds anyway, if such things exist; it’s moderate-sized when compared to worlds of roughly the same size, and a little small when compared to worlds just a little larger - well, to make a long story short - short when compared to longer stories anyway - "

Pre-post edit:  Typed this up before Tables' and chwhite's posts.  Posting it anyway because, hey, they agree with my top two choices - right down to the best line in each.
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Willvon

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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2012, 12:26:08 am »
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I definitely have to go with Hinterlands as my favorite and Prosperity as my #2.  Who can ever complain about pancakes and baklava?  Probably only the jester, and after all, half of the time he is going to be lying anyways.  Though I have to admit that I do miss the waffles at times. 
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2012, 07:08:36 am »
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Alchemy, a million times. "A castle that can't be dissolved! Now that's progress.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2012, 04:09:46 pm »
+6

For reference:

Dominion

You are a monarch, like your parents before you, a ruler of a small pleasant kingdom of rivers and evergreens. Unlike your parents, however, you have hopes and dreams! You want a bigger and more pleasant kingdom, with more rivers and a wider variety of trees. You want a Dominion! In all directions lie fiefs, freeholds, and feodums. All are small bits of land, controlled by petty lords and verging on anarchy. You will bring civilization to these people, uniting them under your banner.

But wait! It must be something in the air; several other monarchs have had the exact same idea. You must race to get as much of the unclaimed land as possible, fending them off along the way. To do this you will hire minions, construct buildings, spruce up your castle, and fill the coffers of your treasury. Your parents wouldn't be proud, but your grandparents, on your mother's side, would be delighted.

Dominion: Intrigue

Something's afoot. The steward smiles at you like he has a secret, or like he thinks you have a secret, or like you think he thinks you have a secret. There are secret plots brewing, you're sure of it. At the very least, there are yours. A passing servant murmurs, "The eggs are on the plate." You frantically search your codebook for the translation before realizing he means that breakfast is ready. Excellent. Everything is going according to plan.

Dominion: Seaside

All you ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by. And someone who knows how to steer ships using stars. You finally got some of those rivers you'd wanted, and they led to the sea. These are dangerous, pirate-infested waters, and you cautiously send rat-infested ships across them, to establish lucrative trade at far-off merchant-infested ports. First, you will take over some islands, as a foothold. The natives seem friendly enough, crying their peace cries, and giving you spears and poison darts before you are even close enough to accept them properly. When you finally reach those ports you will conquer them, and from there you will look for more rivers. One day, all the rivers will be yours.

Dominion: Alchemy

There are strange things going on in your basement laboratories. They keep calling up for more barrels of quicksilver, or bits of your hair. Well it's all in the name of progress. They're looking for a way to turn lead into gold, or at least into something better than lead. That lead had just been too good of a bargain to pass up; you didn't think, where will I put all this lead, what am I going to do with this lead anyway. Well that will all be sorted out. They're also looking for a universal solvent. If they manage that one, you will take whatever they use to hold it in and build a castle out of it. A castle that can't be dissolved! Now that's progress.

Dominion: Prosperity

Ah, money. There's nothing like the sound of coins clinking in your hands. You vastly prefer it to the sound of coins clinking in someone else's hands, or the sound of coins just sitting there in a pile that no-one can quite reach without getting up. Getting up, that's all behind you now. Life has been good to you. Just ten years ago, you were tilling your own fields in a simple straw hat. Today, your kingdom stretches from sea to sea, and your straw hat is the largest the world has ever known. You also have the world's smallest dog, and a life-sized statue of yourself made out of baklava. Sure, money can't buy happiness, but it can buy envy, anger, and also this kind of blank feeling. You still have problems - troublesome neighbours that must be conquered. But this time, you'll conquer them in style.

Dominion: Cornucopia

Autumn. It seemed like the summer would never end, but that fortune teller was right. It's over. Autumn, the time of the harvest. Agriculture has advanced significantly in recent years, ever since the discovery of the maxim, "leaves of three, let it be." Autumn, a time of celebration. The peasants have spent a hard week scything hay in the fields, but tonight the festivities begin, starting with a sumptuous banquet of roast hay. Then, the annual nose-stealing competition. Then you have two jesters, one who always lies, one who always tells the truth, both hilariously. Then, they fight to the death! This celebration will truly have something for everyone.

Dominion: Hinterlands

The world is big and your kingdom small. Small when compared to the world, that is; it's moderate-sized when compared to other kingdoms. But in a big world like this one - big when compared to smaller worlds anyway, if such things exist; it's moderate-sized when compared to worlds of roughly the same size, and a little small when compared to worlds just a little larger - well, to make a long story short - short when compared to longer stories anyway - it is time to stretch your borders. You've heard of far-off places - exotic countries, where they have pancakes but not waffles, where the people wear the wrong number of shirts, and don't even have a word for the look two people give each other when they each hope that the other will do something that they both want done but which neither of them wants to do. It is to these lands that you now turn your gaze.

Dominion: Dark Ages

Times have been hard. To save on money, you've moved out of your old castle and into a luxurious ravine. You didn't like that castle anyway; it was always getting looted and never at a reasonable hour. And if it wasn't barbarians it was the plague, or sometimes both would come at once, and there wouldn't be enough chairs. The ravine is great; you get lots of sun, and you can just drop garbage wherever you want. In your free time you've taken up begging. Begging is brilliant conceptually, but tricky in practice since no one has any money. You beg twigs from the villagers, and they beg them back, but no one really seems to come out ahead. That's just how life is sometimes. You're quietly conquering people, minding your own business, when suddenly there's a plague, or barbarians, or everyone's illiterate, and it's all you can do to cling to some wreckage as the storm passes through. Still, you are sure that, as always, you will triumph over this adversity, or at least do slightly better than everyone else.
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Kirian

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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2012, 04:48:11 pm »
0

"That lead had just been too good of a bargain to pass up; you didn't think, where will I put all this lead, what am I going to do with this lead anyway."

And this line is why I chose Alchemy.  Prosperity for me comes in second with

"There's nothing like the sound of coins clinking in your hands. You vastly prefer it to the sound of coins clinking in someone else's hands, or the sound of coins just sitting there in a pile that no-one can quite reach without getting up."
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2012, 04:50:43 pm »
0

Hinterlands won me over with: "don't even have a word for the look two people give each other when they each hope that the other will do something that they both want done but which neither of them wants to do" in addition to the rest.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #12 on: June 03, 2012, 06:38:44 pm »
+1

The Hinterlands paragraph is so great.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #13 on: June 03, 2012, 08:44:32 pm »
+4

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mamihlapinatapai
I wanted someone to look up the word, but I didn't want to do it myself...
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2012, 11:03:43 pm »
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I laughed hysterically when I read the Hinterlands blurb.  It was the first of them that I read; the rest seemed rather dull in comparison.  Dark Ages is pretty good, but the reference to that word really puts HL over the top.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #15 on: June 08, 2012, 03:17:45 pm »
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I really wish they hadn't edited the original Dominion blurb. I laughed out loud the first time I read, "You will bring civilization to these losers, uniting them under your banner."

Prosperity gets my vote for strongest overall humor value, but I do love, "You're quietly conquering people, minding your own business…"
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werothegreat

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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #16 on: June 09, 2012, 05:06:53 pm »
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No love for Intrigue?  I am saddened... D:

I hope Monty Python writes all your codebooks and riddles them with Hungarian mistranslations.  May your hovercrafts be full of eels!
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #17 on: June 09, 2012, 05:11:04 pm »
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I voted Prosperity but I really, really love them all. I am curious though, which is Donald X's favorite? Or which was most fun to write?
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #18 on: June 10, 2012, 04:32:08 am »
+9

I voted Prosperity but I really, really love them all. I am curious though, which is Donald X's favorite? Or which was most fun to write?
For me they fall into three categories.

The first one, we needed a flavor paragraph, and they had some awful impress-the-king thing as a placeholder. So I wrote one and they hacked it up - mostly making it less conversational in a way that just isn't as good - but it still seemed better than whatever would have been there otherwise, so there it is. For Intrigue, I had written something silly the first time so I wrote something silly again. It took no time. The version posted above is missing one of the jokes, I don't know if the back of the box actually is too or what, but I think the rulebook has it:

Something's afoot. The steward smiles at you like he has a secret, or like he thinks you have a secret, or like you think he thinks you have a secret. There are secret plots brewing, you're sure of it. At the very least, there are yours. A passing servant murmurs, "The eggs are on the plate." You frantically search your codebook for the translation before realizing he means that breakfast is ready. Excellent. Everything is going according to plan.

From Seaside on I felt obligated to try to write funny things, and focused on just getting a list of jokes and working it into a paragraph. I feel like I did the best there on Seaside and Prosperity. For the Seaside one I had too many jokes and they didn't all make it in (you can see the writing process for that one in detail at http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=124.0). The Cornucopia one otoh is especially weak when you take out the jesters fighting to the death, which they did. And I think only older people ever get anything out of the poison ivy joke, leaving you with just roast hay to carry the paragraph. I felt like I really only had two jokes for Alchemy, but fortunately people liked those two jokes.

Hinterlands is a special case. I wrote "The world is big and your kingdom small," and immediately remembered a joke from one of my screenplays (there it starts, "it's a big city out there, and we're little people"). And I just copied it in. I always loved that joke and I like the Hinterlands paragraph best.
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werothegreat

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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #19 on: June 10, 2012, 11:08:58 am »
0

I voted Prosperity but I really, really love them all. I am curious though, which is Donald X's favorite? Or which was most fun to write?
For me they fall into three categories.

The first one, we needed a flavor paragraph, and they had some awful impress-the-king thing as a placeholder. So I wrote one and they hacked it up - mostly making it less conversational in a way that just isn't as good - but it still seemed better than whatever would have been there otherwise, so there it is. For Intrigue, I had written something silly the first time so I wrote something silly again. It took no time. The version posted above is missing one of the jokes, I don't know if the back of the box actually is too or what, but I think the rulebook has it:

Something's afoot. The steward smiles at you like he has a secret, or like he thinks you have a secret, or like you think he thinks you have a secret. There are secret plots brewing, you're sure of it. At the very least, there are yours. A passing servant murmurs, "The eggs are on the plate." You frantically search your codebook for the translation before realizing he means that breakfast is ready. Excellent. Everything is going according to plan.

From Seaside on I felt obligated to try to write funny things, and focused on just getting a list of jokes and working it into a paragraph. I feel like I did the best there on Seaside and Prosperity. For the Seaside one I had too many jokes and they didn't all make it in (you can see the writing process for that one in detail at http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=124.0). The Cornucopia one otoh is especially weak when you take out the jesters fighting to the death, which they did. And I think only older people ever get anything out of the poison ivy joke, leaving you with just roast hay to carry the paragraph. I felt like I really only had two jokes for Alchemy, but fortunately people liked those two jokes.

Hinterlands is a special case. I wrote "The world is big and your kingdom small," and immediately remembered a joke from one of my screenplays (there it starts, "it's a big city out there, and we're little people"). And I just copied it in. I always loved that joke and I like the Hinterlands paragraph best.

It would make me very, very happy if you trundled off the Intrigue paragraph from memory, like someone spelling floccinaucinihilipilificate.  And yes, the box does have the longer version you have here - maybe theory skipped that clause?
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #20 on: June 10, 2012, 10:15:48 pm »
0

It would make me very, very happy if you trundled off the Intrigue paragraph from memory, like someone spelling floccinaucinihilipilificate.  And yes, the box does have the longer version you have here - maybe theory skipped that clause?
I stole it from someone else online.  Fixed above.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #21 on: June 10, 2012, 10:37:42 pm »
0

It would make me very, very happy if you trundled off the Intrigue paragraph from memory, like someone spelling floccinaucinihilipilificate.  And yes, the box does have the longer version you have here - maybe theory skipped that clause?

Just wondering, but why aren't you using the word floccinaucinihilipilification instead? It's longer. I don't mean too much by this, but really I don't think I see any value in the post as you made it

...

Eh? Too obvious? Too subtle? It's hard to make jokes about floccinaucinihilipilification without sounding rude, I guess.

Oh, and looking back, Cornucopia actually does seem like a fairly weak blurb compared to the others.
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #22 on: June 10, 2012, 10:47:36 pm »
+1

I voted Prosperity but I really, really love them all. I am curious though, which is Donald X's favorite? Or which was most fun to write?
For me they fall into three categories.

The first one, we needed a flavor paragraph, and they had some awful impress-the-king thing as a placeholder. So I wrote one and they hacked it up - mostly making it less conversational in a way that just isn't as good - but it still seemed better than whatever would have been there otherwise, so there it is. For Intrigue, I had written something silly the first time so I wrote something silly again. It took no time. The version posted above is missing one of the jokes, I don't know if the back of the box actually is too or what, but I think the rulebook has it:

Something's afoot. The steward smiles at you like he has a secret, or like he thinks you have a secret, or like you think he thinks you have a secret. There are secret plots brewing, you're sure of it. At the very least, there are yours. A passing servant murmurs, "The eggs are on the plate." You frantically search your codebook for the translation before realizing he means that breakfast is ready. Excellent. Everything is going according to plan.

From Seaside on I felt obligated to try to write funny things, and focused on just getting a list of jokes and working it into a paragraph. I feel like I did the best there on Seaside and Prosperity. For the Seaside one I had too many jokes and they didn't all make it in (you can see the writing process for that one in detail at http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=124.0). The Cornucopia one otoh is especially weak when you take out the jesters fighting to the death, which they did. And I think only older people ever get anything out of the poison ivy joke, leaving you with just roast hay to carry the paragraph. I felt like I really only had two jokes for Alchemy, but fortunately people liked those two jokes.

Hinterlands is a special case. I wrote "The world is big and your kingdom small," and immediately remembered a joke from one of my screenplays (there it starts, "it's a big city out there, and we're little people"). And I just copied it in. I always loved that joke and I like the Hinterlands paragraph best.

Should this get copied into "The Bible of Donald X. > The Secret History of the Flavor Paragraphs"?
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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #23 on: June 10, 2012, 10:48:46 pm »
+2

I voted Prosperity but I really, really love them all. I am curious though, which is Donald X's favorite? Or which was most fun to write?
For me they fall into three categories.

The first one, we needed a flavor paragraph, and they had some awful impress-the-king thing as a placeholder. So I wrote one and they hacked it up - mostly making it less conversational in a way that just isn't as good - but it still seemed better than whatever would have been there otherwise, so there it is. For Intrigue, I had written something silly the first time so I wrote something silly again. It took no time. The version posted above is missing one of the jokes, I don't know if the back of the box actually is too or what, but I think the rulebook has it:

Something's afoot. The steward smiles at you like he has a secret, or like he thinks you have a secret, or like you think he thinks you have a secret. There are secret plots brewing, you're sure of it. At the very least, there are yours. A passing servant murmurs, "The eggs are on the plate." You frantically search your codebook for the translation before realizing he means that breakfast is ready. Excellent. Everything is going according to plan.

From Seaside on I felt obligated to try to write funny things, and focused on just getting a list of jokes and working it into a paragraph. I feel like I did the best there on Seaside and Prosperity. For the Seaside one I had too many jokes and they didn't all make it in (you can see the writing process for that one in detail at http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=124.0). The Cornucopia one otoh is especially weak when you take out the jesters fighting to the death, which they did. And I think only older people ever get anything out of the poison ivy joke, leaving you with just roast hay to carry the paragraph. I felt like I really only had two jokes for Alchemy, but fortunately people liked those two jokes.

Hinterlands is a special case. I wrote "The world is big and your kingdom small," and immediately remembered a joke from one of my screenplays (there it starts, "it's a big city out there, and we're little people"). And I just copied it in. I always loved that joke and I like the Hinterlands paragraph best.

Should this get copied into "The Bible of Donald X. > The Secret History of the Flavor Paragraphs"?
Next you'll be lobbying for a secret history of the secret histories... :P



...yes, I would totally read that.

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Re: Expansions Ranked by Flavor Paragraph
« Reply #24 on: June 10, 2012, 10:55:06 pm »
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It would make me very, very happy if you trundled off the Intrigue paragraph from memory, like someone spelling floccinaucinihilipilificate.  And yes, the box does have the longer version you have here - maybe theory skipped that clause?

Just wondering, but why aren't you using the word floccinaucinihilipilification instead? It's longer. I don't mean too much by this, but really I don't think I see any value in the post as you made it

...

Eh? Too obvious? Too subtle? It's hard to make jokes about floccinaucinihilipilification without sounding rude, I guess.

Oh, and looking back, Cornucopia actually does seem like a fairly weak blurb compared to the others.

Floccinaucinihilipilificate is the root - floccinaucinihilipilification has the -ion suffix.  And yes, I got your little joke. 
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