Things I have heard of and/or observed in school recently:
"Bill Gates graduated from university in 1793," in a students ICT homework.
Pupils opening the internet, which defaults to the MSN homepage, then using the search bar there to search for google, so they can search for whatever they wanted to search for in the first place.
A pupil, at the end of a C1 differentiation lesson (i.e. differentiating x^n and not too much less) asked the teacher, "Can you differentiate anything?"
"Well, more or less, yeah"
"So... how do you differentiate the sun?"
I'm loving this new job. Not just for kids saying/doing hilarious things but actually for what I do.