Dominion Strategy Forum

Dominion => Dominion General Discussion => Topic started by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 14, 2014, 12:50:38 pm

Title: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 14, 2014, 12:50:38 pm
How bout some Dominion puns and pick-up lines to supplement the rap battle thread?
Like: Why are you sending that Spy over to my King's Court? Do you wanna stir up some INTRIGUE or something? (pun)
Or: Hey girl, that workshop of yours is so fine you wanna come help my Gardens out? (really bad pick-up line)

Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: SCSN on March 14, 2014, 01:00:09 pm
You want to be Throned? I'm more of a Procession guy--once done I trash you and go for the Upgrade.
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on March 14, 2014, 01:08:46 pm
I reveal a Province. Can I gain you now, Princess?
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: DG on March 14, 2014, 01:14:04 pm
I'm scouting for a harem. Want me to put you into hand?

(warning, this writer line holds no responsibility for any injuries incurred when using this line).
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: BadAssMutha on March 14, 2014, 01:39:38 pm
You're such a fine Duchess I'd pick you up even without buying Duchy.

Do you want to play Doctor? Show me your top three cards, baby...

Hey, you look like you enjoy getting pinned by Goons-Masquerade!

Want to collide terminals?

You're built like a Fortress - you get bought, played with, and trashed, but keep coming back for more.

Was your daddy a Candlestick Maker? Cause he sure made a Masterpiece!
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 14, 2014, 01:56:26 pm
Hey girl, wanna date? Cause I'm looking for an Upgrade

Girl, are you a Ghost Ship? Cause I'm seeing the same thing over and over again: GOLD!

Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on March 14, 2014, 02:02:32 pm
I'm not a Mountebank, but I could totally trigger your Secret Chamber.
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Kirian on March 14, 2014, 02:02:36 pm
You want to be Throned? I'm more of a Procession guy--once done I trash you and go for the Upgrade.

I... I have no idea what to say to this.  Other than, I suppose, stay the hell away from my daughters.
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: SCSN on March 14, 2014, 02:07:20 pm
You know what they always say about coyly masquerading girls... they're begging to be possesed.
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: SCSN on March 14, 2014, 02:08:08 pm
You want to be Throned? I'm more of a Procession guy--once done I trash you and go for the Upgrade.

I... I have no idea what to say to this.  Other than, I suppose, stay the hell away from my daughters.

Tell that to the Bishop!
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 14, 2014, 02:10:16 pm
Here's some yo mamma jokes (Should I just put this on a separate topic? Or open this thread to jokes in general?)

DISCLAIMER: No offense is meant to anyone by these; I'm just trying to come up with more Dominion-themed humor
Yo mamma is so ugly that I'd trash her for $3 any day
Yo mamma is so stupid that she couldn't win a game of Dominion even after getting all 10 Minions
Yo mamma is so fat that she only started playing Dominion because she'd heard that there'd be a Feast
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be willing to trade her for a Silver
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be calling the Doctor to get her out of my deck any ol' time.

(Sorry this is kind of unrelated)
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: eHalcyon on March 14, 2014, 02:11:29 pm
I know it's against the rules, but I want to play Expand on your Tunnel.
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: LastFootnote on March 14, 2014, 02:17:41 pm
You want to be Throned? I'm more of a Procession guy--once done I trash you and go for the Upgrade.

I... I have no idea what to say to this.  Other than, I suppose, stay the hell away from my daughters.

Dude, if a guy goes by the moniker "She Can't Say No", that should already be sending up red flags.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: SCSN on March 14, 2014, 02:26:19 pm
Imagine how awesome that would be, a boy who already at age 3 rushes past his grandpa's Big Ol' Money!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: SCSN on March 14, 2014, 02:28:33 pm
See, my silly Peddler, that's what you get for apprenticing around without protection.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Robz888 on March 14, 2014, 02:34:34 pm
Rebuild: Baby, let me name Province and shuffle your deck all night long.
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on March 14, 2014, 02:35:09 pm
Here's some yo mamma jokes (Should I just put this on a separate topic? Or open this thread to jokes in general?)

DISCLAIMER: No offense is meant to anyone by these; I'm just trying to come up with more Dominion-themed humor
Yo mamma is so ugly that I'd trash her for $3 any day
Yo mamma is so stupid that she couldn't win a game of Dominion even after getting all 10 Minions
Yo mamma is so fat that she only started playing Dominion because she'd heard that there'd be a Feast
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be willing to trade her for a Silver
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be calling the Doctor to get her out of my deck any ol' time.

(Sorry this is kind of unrelated)
Yo mamma is so ugly that whenever I play her, my opponent topdecks a Curse.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Robz888 on March 14, 2014, 02:35:48 pm
Royal Seal: Is that a Gold on top of your deck, or are you just happy to see me?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Beyond Awesome on March 14, 2014, 02:49:04 pm
I have a Trusty Steed. How about you join me in the back and let's make out.

You don't have to worry about getting pregnant. I always wear a Moat when playing around.

Dominion: Drive-Thru edition

Would you like a copper with that purchase?
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 14, 2014, 02:55:04 pm
Here's some yo mamma jokes (Should I just put this on a separate topic? Or open this thread to jokes in general?)

DISCLAIMER: No offense is meant to anyone by these; I'm just trying to come up with more Dominion-themed humor
Yo mamma is so ugly that I'd trash her for $3 any day
Yo mamma is so stupid that she couldn't win a game of Dominion even after getting all 10 Minions
Yo mamma is so fat that she only started playing Dominion because she'd heard that there'd be a Feast
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be willing to trade her for a Silver
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be calling the Doctor to get her out of my deck any ol' time.

(Sorry this is kind of unrelated)
Yo mamma is so ugly that whenever I play her, my opponent topdecks a Curse.
Oh yeah? Yo mamma is so dumb that she would never use Double-Jack BM even if it's the best strategy because she still thinks that "BM" stands for Bowel-Movement
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: SirPeebles on March 14, 2014, 03:34:48 pm
Here's some yo mamma jokes (Should I just put this on a separate topic? Or open this thread to jokes in general?)

DISCLAIMER: No offense is meant to anyone by these; I'm just trying to come up with more Dominion-themed humor
Yo mamma is so ugly that I'd trash her for $3 any day
Yo mamma is so stupid that she couldn't win a game of Dominion even after getting all 10 Minions
Yo mamma is so fat that she only started playing Dominion because she'd heard that there'd be a Feast
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be willing to trade her for a Silver
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be calling the Doctor to get her out of my deck any ol' time.

(Sorry this is kind of unrelated)
Yo mamma is so ugly that whenever I play her, my opponent topdecks a Curse.
Oh yeah? Yo mamma is so dumb that she would never use Double-Jack BM even if it's the best strategy because she still thinks that "BM" stands for Bowel-Movement

Yo mamma's so stupid she thinks Rogue is for her cheeks.
Title: Re: Dominion puns/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 14, 2014, 03:40:30 pm
Here's some yo mamma jokes (Should I just put this on a separate topic? Or open this thread to jokes in general?)

DISCLAIMER: No offense is meant to anyone by these; I'm just trying to come up with more Dominion-themed humor
Yo mamma is so ugly that I'd trash her for $3 any day
Yo mamma is so stupid that she couldn't win a game of Dominion even after getting all 10 Minions
Yo mamma is so fat that she only started playing Dominion because she'd heard that there'd be a Feast
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be willing to trade her for a Silver
Yo mamma is so dumb that I'd be calling the Doctor to get her out of my deck any ol' time.

(Sorry this is kind of unrelated)
Yo mamma is so ugly that whenever I play her, my opponent topdecks a Curse.
Oh yeah? Yo mamma is so dumb that she would never use Double-Jack BM even if it's the best strategy because she still thinks that "BM" stands for Bowel-Movement

Yo mamma's so stupid she thinks Rogue is for her cheeks.
Yo mamma's so ugly that she makes the lady on the art for Witch look like a hot swimsuit model
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: SirPeebles on March 14, 2014, 03:42:07 pm
How about I Swindle your Trusty Steed into this Abandoned Mine?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: qmech on March 14, 2014, 03:47:24 pm
Public service announcement. (http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=2944.msg50692#msg50692)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on March 14, 2014, 03:57:07 pm
Public service announcement. (http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=2944.msg50692#msg50692)

This one deserves to be reposted because it's that good:

Quote
Yo mama's like a Peddler, the more action she gets the cheaper she becomes.

(from Jorbles, or apparently his girlfriend, who apparently must be cool)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: SirPeebles on March 14, 2014, 04:02:45 pm
Public service announcement. (http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=2944.msg50692#msg50692)

This one deserves to be reposted because it's that good:

Quote
Yo mama's like a Peddler, the more action she gets the cheaper she becomes.

(from Jorbles, or apparently his girlfriend, who apparently must be cool)

My favorite is still Captain Frisk's original.  Possibly because it was so unexpected.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on March 14, 2014, 04:04:23 pm
Public service announcement. (http://forum.dominionstrategy.com/index.php?topic=2944.msg50692#msg50692)

This one deserves to be reposted because it's that good:

Quote
Yo mama's like a Peddler, the more action she gets the cheaper she becomes.

(from Jorbles, or apparently his girlfriend, who apparently must be cool)

My favorite is still Captain Frisk's original.  Possibly because it was so unexpected.

He was ahead of his time.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: markusin on March 14, 2014, 04:23:01 pm
You're all the treasure I need, honey.
With you in my bank, I can afford a Colony.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 14, 2014, 07:37:02 pm


Quote
Yo mama's like a Peddler, the more action she gets the cheaper she becomes.

Yo mamma is so fat, that if she played a Tournament it'd take ALL the provinces in her deck to win it.
Yo mamma is so fat, that even a Minion couldn't discard her hand.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: DG on March 14, 2014, 08:21:42 pm
If you count on me Duchess, our relationship will develop until we have a procession to the altar at the village chapel.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: michaeljb on March 17, 2014, 03:50:59 pm
Yo mamma is so dumb, she bought a Scout.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: SanChristo on March 20, 2014, 08:56:20 am
Pick-up lines
Hey baby, come with me. I can Upgrade your Great Hall to a Garden... nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

Mountebank? Sure, I'll mount a bank.

Baby, you must be a Marauder. After we play, you're Spoiled, and I'm Ruined.

Sweet thing, I'm like Rats. I like to multiply.

Girl, I'm like a Cultist. You can play me again and again and again and again.

Lady, I'm like Sir Martin. Not as cool as the rest. But cheaper.

Puns

Squire, you're like a freshman girls' dorm. Lots of buys. (Think about it).

How did I win Dominion? I Hoard my way to the top.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on March 20, 2014, 09:00:06 am
Girl, I'm like a Cultist. You can play me again and again and again and again.
You mean "After you've played me, you can play my friend. And his friend. And HIS friend."
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: SanChristo on March 20, 2014, 09:32:42 am
Girl, I'm like a Cultist. You can play me again and again and again and again.
You mean "After you've played me, you can play my friend. And his friend. And HIS friend."

You're right! Far funnier and truer to the game.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on March 25, 2014, 04:32:19 pm
Yo mamma is so dumb, she bought a Scout.

Edge Case: Swindler is on the board and she needs the Scout as fodder for it
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: mail-mi on March 25, 2014, 11:46:00 pm
I'm going for Duke-Duchy. You wanna be my duchess?

And, tribute SirClemens from the memes thread:

Why is the 7th expansion called Dark Ages?

Because it has so many Knights!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on November 24, 2014, 02:01:04 am
Damn girl, I wanna Warehouse your Tunnels so bad...
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Elanchana on November 24, 2014, 10:16:24 pm
Trying to bring some female flair into this, let's see...

With a duchy like yours you can have this duchess for free any day. *wink wink*
I can give you everything and make you a madman.
If you let me be your princess, I'll give you more bang for your buck.
Call me Dame Anna. With me you keep only the good stuff.
Let me into your king's court and I'll give you all the action.

(I tried to come up with more but I don't think there's any topping that first one.)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Kirian on December 01, 2014, 03:06:32 pm
Trying to bring some female flair into this, let's see...

With a duchy like yours you can have this duchess for free any day. *wink wink*
I can give you everything and make you a madman.
If you let me be your princess, I'll give you more bang for your buck.
Call me Dame Anna. With me you keep only the good stuff.
Let me into your king's court and I'll give you all the action.

(I tried to come up with more but I don't think there's any topping that first one.)

Those were surprisingly good, given that pickup lines are notoriously awful.  It does bring up the question of whether ladies ever actually need pickup lines, though.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 01, 2014, 03:16:00 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on December 01, 2014, 03:17:17 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 01, 2014, 03:19:25 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on December 01, 2014, 03:38:47 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 01, 2014, 03:49:23 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?

I *would* name you for Wishing Well, but I played Vagrant, so I drew you anyway!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on December 01, 2014, 03:56:03 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?

I *would* name you for Wishing Well, but I played Vagrant, so I drew you anyway!

Cool! What was the top card of your deck?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: silverspawn on December 01, 2014, 04:11:28 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?

I *would* name you for Wishing Well, but I played Vagrant, so I drew you anyway!

I don't think this one is very good  :P
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on December 01, 2014, 04:13:41 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?

I *would* name you for Wishing Well, but I played Vagrant, so I drew you anyway!

I don't think this one is very good  :P

And the Journeyman and Doctor ones were somehow better?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: silverspawn on December 01, 2014, 04:15:39 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?

I *would* name you for Wishing Well, but I played Vagrant, so I drew you anyway!

I don't think this one is very good  :P

And the Journeyman and Doctor ones were somehow better?

well at least they didn't imply that the girl you're trying to pick up is junk
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on December 01, 2014, 04:17:22 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?

I *would* name you for Wishing Well, but I played Vagrant, so I drew you anyway!

I don't think this one is very good  :P

And the Journeyman and Doctor ones were somehow better?

well at least they didn't imply that the girl you're trying to pick up is junk

It's funny because women are a curse!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Hugovj on December 01, 2014, 04:31:27 pm
If you come and join me in the embassy, I'll give you a silver...
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Elanchana on December 01, 2014, 04:33:07 pm
I'd name you for Rebuild, because you're perfect, baby.

I'd name you for Journeyman because I don't want to draw you dead.

I'd name you for Doctor.  Have you looked in a mirror lately?

I name you for Wishing Well. Does my wish come true?

I *would* name you for Wishing Well, but I played Vagrant, so I drew you anyway!

I don't think this one is very good  :P

And the Journeyman and Doctor ones were somehow better?

well at least they didn't imply that the girl you're trying to pick up is junk

It's funny because women are a curse!
(https://31.media.tumblr.com/1fefc62e1de7417df7c839bc35e84da0/tumblr_inline_mfaz1hrMz21rrc78e.gif)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: silverspawn on December 01, 2014, 04:34:44 pm
don't worry, vagrant doesn't just pick up curses. He also picks up Harems!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 01, 2014, 04:36:58 pm
don't worry, vagrant doesn't just pick up curses. He also picks up Harems!

And Ruins.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Elanchana on December 01, 2014, 04:38:48 pm
don't worry, vagrant doesn't just pick up curses. He also picks up Harems!

And Ruins.
To hell with that. He picks up victory as well. I'm easily worth a whole colony. ;)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: pacovf on December 01, 2014, 04:39:45 pm
don't worry, vagrant doesn't just pick up curses. He also picks up Harems!

And Ruins.

And necropolis.

Am I winning this?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: silverspawn on December 01, 2014, 04:41:54 pm
and dreamy private estates.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: GwinnR on December 01, 2014, 05:11:57 pm
If you come and join me in the embassy, I'll give you a silver...
If you come and join me in my Harem, I'll get a Silver (at least sort of).
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 01, 2014, 06:21:30 pm
I want *you* to be my Advisor, 'cuz I know you'll give me the good stuff.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Ozle on December 01, 2014, 06:54:24 pm
I'll discard my pearl diver. Because i want sex
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on December 01, 2014, 07:11:20 pm
I'll discard my pearl diver. Because i want sex

Somewhere in there is a double entendre, if you do enough digging around for it.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on December 03, 2014, 10:07:02 am
Damn girl, I wanna Warehouse your Tunnels so bad...

I just thought of a better one.

Navigator Tunnel?  But I hardly know her!

(EDIT: Should that be "Navigator Tunnel opening?" It would still work!)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 03, 2014, 10:20:42 am
I'll be the Prince if you be the Princess...

Honestly, I just want everything I ever buy to be on sale.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on December 03, 2014, 11:18:51 am
I'll be the Prince if you be the Princess...

Like, you'll be her brother?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: theory on December 03, 2014, 11:24:23 am
I'll be the Prince if you be the Princess...

Like, you'll be her brother?
It's a love story baby just say yes?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 03, 2014, 02:34:25 pm
I'll be the Prince if you be the Princess...

Like, you'll be her brother?
It's a love story baby just say yes?

(https://31.media.tumblr.com/b69f871e45759ed9deb5fd79c01f717f/tumblr_inline_naflldUS7c1qcx1e9.gif)

EDIT: Replacing another picture with a typo.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on March 02, 2016, 05:46:49 pm
You don't need to be thin if you have enough Hunting Parties.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: King Leon on March 04, 2016, 06:20:09 pm
Come on, baby. I will buy an Island for us and trash our old Hovel.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Throwaway_bicycling on March 05, 2016, 07:35:29 pm
Come on, baby. I will buy an Island for us and trash our old Hovel.

Yeah? What if I want more action than that?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: King Leon on March 06, 2016, 09:22:59 am
Come on, baby. I will buy an Island for us and trash our old Hovel.

Yeah? What if I want more action than that?

Well, then let's trash our Hovel and do it in a Tunnel - or should I ask Dame Josephine?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on March 08, 2016, 03:48:20 pm
Did you just Expand Sir Vander, or are you just happy to see me?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on March 08, 2016, 04:29:39 pm
Scout's pick up line: I'm not like all those other cards..
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on March 08, 2016, 04:31:22 pm
Scout's pick up line: I'm not like all those other cards..

"because I suck"
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on March 08, 2016, 04:43:36 pm
Scout's pick up line: I'm not like all those other cards..

"because I suck"

+1 mate

I'm going to go put a general Dominion card joke here too, since it says 'Dominion Jokes' in the thread.

What is the difference between a Curse and Scout?
One is an ugly card that is worse than useless, and the other is Curse.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: SCSN on March 09, 2016, 08:00:27 am
Guide: hey I just met you, and this is crazy... but here's my number, so call me maybe.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: AdrianHealey on March 09, 2016, 08:33:00 am
You'll feel cheaper if I show you my bridge troll. ;)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Burning Skull on March 09, 2016, 08:45:32 am
Come to me, very smart and beautiful Baker girl! I will be your handsome Moneylender.


Am I doing it right? Was this one good?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: iguanaiguana on March 09, 2016, 09:09:57 am
Come to me, very smart and beautiful Baker girl! I will be your handsome Moneylender.


Am I doing it right? Was this one good?

I think you just wrote my wedding vow.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on March 09, 2016, 09:16:54 am
Come to me, very smart and beautiful Baker girl! I will be your handsome Moneylender.


Am I doing it right? Was this one good?

I think you just wrote my wedding vow.

I see a disappointed bride in your future.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: microman on March 09, 2016, 09:41:35 am
Life is like a poor house, just when you think you will reap its benefits, you're dealt a hand full of shit(copper).
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Burning Skull on March 09, 2016, 09:43:20 am
mehh... and you told they call you a Giant...
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Accatitippi on March 09, 2016, 12:11:17 pm
Come to me, very smart and beautiful Baker girl! I will be your handsome Moneylender.


Am I doing it right? Was this one good?

I think you just wrote my wedding vow.

I see a disappointed bride in your future.

I don't think he'll ever see his Princess again after the wedding Procession.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on March 09, 2016, 12:24:26 pm
I don't think he'll ever see his Princess again after the wedding Procession.

After you Process a Princess, you can only get a Poor House out of it. Guess she didn't sell too well on the Black Market.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: markusin on March 09, 2016, 12:51:32 pm
I don't think he'll ever see his Princess again after the wedding Procession.

After you Process a Princess, you can only get a Poor House out of it. Guess she didn't sell too well on the Black Market.

Unless the Procession was on a Highway.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on March 09, 2016, 12:53:28 pm
I don't think he'll ever see his Princess again after the wedding Procession.

After you Process a Princess, you can only get a Poor House out of it. Guess she didn't sell too well on the Black Market.

Unless the Procession was on a Highway.

EDGECASE
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: markusin on March 09, 2016, 04:58:33 pm
I don't think he'll ever see his Princess again after the wedding Procession.

After you Process a Princess, you can only get a Poor House out of it. Guess she didn't sell too well on the Black Market.

Unless the Procession was on a Highway.

EDGECASE

It's already an edge case that Poor Houses are part of the Kingdom. Unless every card is in the Kingdom, in which case finding Bridges and Highways is hardly unusual.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on March 09, 2016, 05:07:04 pm

EDGECASE

It's already an edge case that Poor Houses are part of the Kingdom. Unless every card is in the Kingdom, in which case finding Bridges and Highways is hardly unusual.

ALSO EDGECASE
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Accatitippi on March 09, 2016, 05:32:32 pm

EDGECASE

It's already an edge case that Poor Houses are part of the Kingdom. Unless every card is in the Kingdom, in which case finding Bridges and Highways is hardly unusual.

ALSO EDGECASE

Come on, stop being such a Bridge Troll.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Roadrunner7671 on March 09, 2016, 05:34:43 pm

EDGECASE

It's already an edge case that Poor Houses are part of the Kingdom. Unless every card is in the Kingdom, in which case finding Bridges and Highways is hardly unusual.

ALSO EDGECASE

Come on, stop being such a Bridge Troll.
These edgecases are getting Ferrily ridiculous.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on June 05, 2016, 02:01:51 pm
How do you stop SCSN from entering your house? Build it on a Feodum.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on June 05, 2016, 02:03:22 pm
How do you stop SCSN from entering your house?

Say no.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: dedicateddan on June 05, 2016, 02:18:18 pm
How do you stop SCSN from entering your house? Build it on a Feodum.

Lock the door!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on June 05, 2016, 02:29:46 pm
Alternate answer: Have the Goko application inside your home as a holy relic to ward SCSN off.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Kirian on June 05, 2016, 02:34:24 pm
How do you stop SCSN from entering your house? Build it on a Feodum.

Take away his credit card?  Wait, different joke...
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Beyond Awesome on June 05, 2016, 03:51:03 pm
Would you mind being my third Gear?



Wow, you're quite the Relic.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on June 05, 2016, 03:55:09 pm
Would you mind being my third Gear?



Wow, you're quite the Relic.

That joke draws a blank for me.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Beyond Awesome on June 05, 2016, 04:07:08 pm
Two separate jokes.

First one is a reference to being third wheel. The second one you are saying the person is really old like a relic.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: J Reggie on June 05, 2016, 04:17:43 pm
Would you mind being my third Gear?



Wow, you're quite the Relic.

That joke draws a blank for me.

Are you playing them as fan cards? Or did you just shuffle then in accidentally?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on June 05, 2016, 08:36:42 pm
Two separate jokes.

First one is a reference to being third wheel. The second one you are saying the person is really old like a relic.

I was also making a joke while not understanding the joke.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on July 01, 2016, 06:31:43 am
It takes a long time for a Page to become a Champion, but Dame Anna can make a Knight out of Squire in one turn...
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on July 01, 2016, 09:25:43 am
It takes a long time for a Page to become a Champion, but give Dame Anna can make a Knight out of Squire in one turn...

In just seven days, I can make you a man
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Erick648 on July 01, 2016, 12:38:04 pm
"I don't understand Catapult.  If I Catapult Estate, it does nothing, if I Catapult Copper, it's a gimped Militia, and Catapulting more expensive cards doesn't seem worth it."

"Catapult Rocks."

"Really? How do I get it to rock? I don't see it."

"That's because you didn't buy enough Catapults. You need to buy all the Catapults to get to Rocks."

"Buy all the Catapults? You mean it has self-synergy, like, I Catapult Catapults?"

"No, Catapult Rocks."

"Okay, it's too good to trash, then; so what do I trash with it? If only there was a way to turn Coppers into Silvers so I could use them."

"But there is a way: Mine."

"And what is your way of turning Coppers into Silvers?"

"I just told you: it's Mine."

"And your strategy is...?"

"My strategy is Mine."

"So that's how you're going to be, huh?  Hoard your strategies for getting Silvers?"

"No, Hoard's my strategy for getting Golds."

"Very well, keep your strategies to yourself, oh, great prince of tactictians!"

"Prince of Tacticians isn't great; in fact, it doesn't work at all."

"You're telling me."

"Yes, I did."

"Fine, then, if you won't tell me how to get expensive treasures to Catapult can you at least suggest a different attack?"

"Witch."

"Let's go with a curser."

"Okay, Witch."

"I don't know, pick any curser."

"I said, Witch."

"No, you didn't. Which is a curser?"

"Exactly."

"AAARGH... forget it! Good night!"

"Sir Michael!"
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on July 01, 2016, 01:43:13 pm
...

Who's on Catapult?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on July 01, 2016, 04:22:01 pm
"Well, I have $4.  I sure hope there's a good $4 card on the board.  Scout for one?"

"You dumbass."
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on July 04, 2016, 04:39:21 pm
"Mine Silver."

"If you're going to LARP this whole game of Dominion like it's your first Renn Faire, then I'm out."
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on July 04, 2016, 07:52:30 pm
*Makes jokes about Conquest, Dominate, Triumph, Delve, and Advance*
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on July 05, 2016, 11:51:26 pm
*makes awesome joke worthy of 200 upvotes*
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: LibraryAdventurer on July 06, 2016, 12:10:19 am
*makes awesome joke worthy of 200 upvotes*
nice try.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Witherweaver on July 06, 2016, 09:27:13 am
*makes awesome joke worthy of 200 upvotes*

Denominated in units of 0.01. 
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on July 06, 2016, 09:50:51 am
*makes awesome joke worthy of 200 upvotes*

Gotham didn't get the hero it deserved, only what it needed.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ThetaSigma12 on July 06, 2016, 09:51:05 am
I picked up a album by my favorite band at the store. I wondered why it was so cheap, but then I realized they played a lot of bridges.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on July 30, 2016, 12:54:37 am
I picked up a album by my favorite band at the store. I wondered why it was so cheap, but then I realized they played a lot of bridges.


For all we know they could've been spending a lot of time on the Highways.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Roadrunner7671 on July 30, 2016, 01:22:26 am
Why did the Scout cross the road?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: singletee on July 30, 2016, 01:24:55 am
I picked up a album by my favorite band at the store. I wondered why it was so cheap, but then I realized they played a lot of bridges.

Seven bridges? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-q7Mih69KE)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on July 30, 2016, 08:02:16 am
Why did the Scout cross the road?

To get to the Great Hall?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on July 30, 2016, 08:03:46 am
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on July 30, 2016, 11:58:39 am
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Society?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on July 30, 2016, 12:02:31 pm
(https://i.imgflip.com/1873e7.jpg)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: singletee on July 30, 2016, 01:00:10 pm
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Survivors
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on July 30, 2016, 01:20:49 pm
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Survivors

I was thinking your strategy or deck or something like that, but this works.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: GwinnR on July 31, 2016, 08:23:46 am
I picked up a album by my favorite band at the store. I wondered why it was so cheap, but then I realized they played a lot of bridges.

Seven bridges? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-q7Mih69KE)
Over seven Bridges you must go? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR_LbA4XO9s)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: teamrocketgrunt on August 04, 2016, 03:13:23 am
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Is this going to be a Pearl Harbor joke?

EDIT: No, it wasn't. Not even close. Aaaaanyway..
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on August 04, 2016, 03:30:55 am
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Is this going to be a Pearl Harbor joke?

EDIT: No, it wasn't. Not even close. Aaaaanyway..

It's a reference to the standard joke about politicians in a plane crash.  X, Y, Z are in a plane crash.  Who survives? (Country) W.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: teamrocketgrunt on August 04, 2016, 06:45:32 am
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Is this going to be a Pearl Harbor joke?

EDIT: No, it wasn't. Not even close. Aaaaanyway..

It's a reference to the standard joke about politicians in a plane crash.  X, Y, Z are in a plane crash.  Who survives? (Country) W.

No, I got that. I was trying to joke that the association between Scout, Pearl Diver, Transmute and "plane crashes" was Pearl Harbor. So Pearl Diver would be the one to survive. Then, I read that you had already revealed what you thought and my already unfunny comment became even less funny.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: McGarnacle on August 04, 2016, 08:54:17 am
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Is this going to be a Pearl Harbor joke?

EDIT: No, it wasn't. Not even close. Aaaaanyway..

It's a reference to the standard joke about politicians in a plane crash.  X, Y, Z are in a plane crash.  Who survives? (Country) W.

No, I got that. I was trying to joke that the association between Scout, Pearl Diver, Transmute and "plane crashes" was Pearl Harbor. So Pearl Diver would be the one to survive. Then, I read that you had already revealed what you thought and my already unfunny comment became even less funny.

There, there. We can't all be funny :).
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on August 04, 2016, 04:55:16 pm
Scout, Pearl Diver, and Transmute are in a plane crash.  Who survives?

Is this going to be a Pearl Harbor joke?

EDIT: No, it wasn't. Not even close. Aaaaanyway..

It's a reference to the standard joke about politicians in a plane crash.  X, Y, Z are in a plane crash.  Who survives? (Country) W.

No, I got that. I was trying to joke that the association between Scout, Pearl Diver, Transmute and "plane crashes" was Pearl Harbor. So Pearl Diver would be the one to survive. Then, I read that you had already revealed what you thought and my already unfunny comment became even less funny.

There, there. We can't all be funny :).

I think they're capable, but I didn't feel it this time.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ThetaSigma12 on August 17, 2016, 08:55:00 am
What do you call rats with the +Card token?
Lab Rats.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ThetaSigma12 on August 19, 2016, 04:00:22 pm
What do you call rats with the -$2 token on them?
A mistake.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: AdrianHealey on August 19, 2016, 05:20:42 pm
possessed could also work
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ThetaSigma12 on August 19, 2016, 05:39:58 pm
What do you call rats with no tokens on them?
Rats.       
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on August 19, 2016, 06:03:56 pm
What do you get when you trash a Fortress with a Rats?

Redwall

What do you get when you trash an Explorer with a Rats?

A pirat

What do you get when you trash a King's Court with a Rats?

A reason to resign
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on October 11, 2016, 10:08:23 am
What's the difference between Scout and Hunting Grounds?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on October 11, 2016, 10:13:42 am
What's the difference between Scout and Hunting Grounds?

What's Scout?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: IsotropicWasBetter on October 11, 2016, 10:23:48 am
Your moms so dumb she thinks Goko/Making Fun was better than Isotropic. #Isotropicwasbetter #Gokoisworse
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: J Reggie on October 11, 2016, 10:41:56 am
Your moms so dumb she thinks Goko/Making Fun was better than Isotropic. #Isotropicwasbetter #Gokoisworse

#ShuffleITwasbetter
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Darth Vader on October 11, 2016, 12:00:38 pm
Your moms so dumb she thinks Goko/Making Fun was better than Isotropic. #Isotropicwasbetter #Gokoisworse

Must be alternate account day.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Accatitippi on October 11, 2016, 12:05:47 pm
What's the difference between Scout and Hunting Grounds?

I can't think of any. Both give you a nice benefit when you trash them.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: singletee on October 11, 2016, 12:06:53 pm
What's the difference between Scout and Hunting Grounds?

Scout is non-terminal.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on October 11, 2016, 05:06:32 pm
What's the difference between Scout and Hunting Grounds?

I can't think of any. Both give you a nice benefit when you trash them.

Trashing a Scout is its own reward.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: schadd on October 11, 2016, 05:31:47 pm
hunting grounds draws four cards and scout draws four bad cards
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on October 11, 2016, 05:36:07 pm
hunting grounds draws four cards and scout draws four bad cards

You're lucky if Scout draws four bad cards...
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: King Leon on October 12, 2016, 06:28:19 pm
I am a Scout. Will you be my Dame Josephine?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on October 12, 2016, 07:03:19 pm
I am a Scout. Will you be my Dame Josephine?

Sir Michael shows up, the two run off together, and you're left there with 3 cards in hand.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on December 02, 2016, 05:22:55 pm
Here's a hard one.  I'll upvote if anyone gets it:


(http://www.mariowiki.com/images/7/7e/Mariosmb3.png)
Why does Mario always play Cornucopia/Adventures?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Dingan on December 09, 2016, 12:52:07 am
What do you call it when you Inn-top-deck a bunch of sweet stuff, and it also delivers you hot coffee?

                 A good Inn-turn.             
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Harley_Beckett on December 09, 2016, 06:21:24 am
Why does Mario always play Cornucopia/Adventures?

So he can Save the Princess?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on December 09, 2016, 08:37:46 am
Why does Mario always play Cornucopia/Adventures?

So he can Save the Princess?


Obv. so he can Save a Princess.

Aw man, 2EZ...  :(

(I cross-posted to Homage after the fact because this thread doesn't get much traffic...)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: madeofghosts on December 09, 2016, 09:20:16 am
He'd hate Empires. There's always another frigging Castle.

Edit: oh, this has been done already too. Bah.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Minotaur on December 09, 2016, 11:46:24 pm
The Protoss love Empires.  Spawn more Overlords!

The Angry Birds love Empires, too.  Catapult!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: werothegreat on December 10, 2016, 06:53:50 am
The Protoss ZERG love Empires.  Spawn more Overlords!

FTFY

Still waiting on the Pylon card
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Marcory on December 10, 2016, 02:10:57 pm
The Protoss ZERG love Empires.  Spawn more Overlords!

FTFY

Still waiting on the Pylon card

Hey, Dominion has had Scout. That's not good enough for you?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on December 10, 2016, 02:51:54 pm
The Protoss ZERG love Empires.  Spawn more Overlords!

FTFY

Still waiting on the Pylon card

But there is already a Moat? card.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: jonaskoelker on October 28, 2017, 02:18:33 pm
Hey baby, can I put my payload in your Secret Passage?

You must want me to have lots of Silver, babe, 'cause you activate my Rocks!

Babe, man, I'm sorry I called you a slut and a bitch—you'll always be my Faithful Hound.

It's probably a bad time to ask this, after we ran into the cutpurse at the masquerade, but may I have you hand?

I call my ex-wife "Venture". She was a real Gold digger.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on November 01, 2017, 11:20:31 pm
My wife is a Fool. When we first met, it was great, there were a lot of benefits to it. But now, she's just in the way of what I want to do. And to get any benefit out of the marriage, I always have to discard my plans. And they're not even good benefits. And then we have all these kids, these Silvers and Will-O-Wisps going around trashing everything. But the worst part is that we get into these pedantic arguments over things like grammar all of the time. Man, this entire marriage, I just feel so lost in the woods sometimes, y'know?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ConMan on November 04, 2017, 07:53:35 pm
What's the difference between Scooby Doo and Scheme?

One's a Great Dane, the other is a great Bane.

(I originally had it as the difference between Faithful Hound and Scheme but I'm pretty sure that's a wolfhound of some kind.)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on November 04, 2017, 09:07:53 pm
You may have heard of Elf on a Shelf, but have you heard of...

https://imgur.com/gallery/7GGsu

How do I attach an image directly to a comment?

the combining of the photos was the best I could do with MS Paint, as I don't have photoshop on my computer  :P
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: sudgy on November 04, 2017, 09:29:45 pm
You may have heard of Elf on a Shelf, but have you heard of...

https://imgur.com/gallery/7GGsu

How do I attach an image directly to a comment?

the combining of the photos was the best I could do with MS Paint, as I don't have photoshop on my computer  :P

Here you go:

(https://i.imgur.com/6cQ6hke.jpg)

(Also you could use gimp)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Donald X. on November 04, 2017, 10:22:13 pm
well
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Trogdor the Burninator on November 04, 2017, 10:28:06 pm
It's Donald on a Ronald!!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ackmondual on November 26, 2017, 04:46:14 pm
I've had 2 bad Wandering Minstrel cycles

"How bad were they?"

I had to discharge 2 Gold and a Silver one time, and 2 Gold and a Platinum the second time!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Seprix on January 03, 2018, 09:57:14 am
What does a laboratory do best?

Draw to conclusions.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: King Leon on January 03, 2018, 04:59:23 pm
If I was a Patrol, I would attract lots of Harems.
My Courtiers think Dame Josephine should get engaged with a Werewolf.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Dingan on January 03, 2018, 06:18:55 pm
Quote
What does a Laboratory do best?

Draw two Conclaves

ftfy
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ackmondual on January 17, 2018, 01:04:55 am
The first set with "night" cards... is actually Cornucopia!

A Leprechaun, a Werewolf, a Pixie, a Fool, a Goat, a Tracker, an Exorcist, a Vampire, and Night Watchmen see a sign as they approach the Tavern.  They couldn't get in because the sign said...
No Reserve   
No Adventures
No service!           


The Protoss love Empires.  Spawn more Overlords!
Protoss also like the Intrigue of it...
Upgrade complete!  Upgrade complete!  Upgrade complete!

Zerg like Adventures and Nocturne!...
Changeling, Transmogrify, Duplicate


What do you call rats with no tokens on them?
Rats.       
Actually, it's more like Rats!       


What's the difference between Scout and Hunting Grounds?
What's Scout?
It's used to spell out that other card... Scouting Party


If you've got enough Villages, you can handle all of the Duchesses you want.  Otherwise, better to pick Harems ;)


In real life, Militia react to Moat.  In Dominion, Moat react to Militia!
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Chase Adolphson on March 09, 2018, 01:59:02 am
Yo mamas so dumb that when she had $30 with 30 buys she bought 30 curses.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: faust on March 09, 2018, 03:07:07 am
Yo mamas so dumb that when she had $30 with 30 buys she bought 30 curses.
The joke is that yo mama's playing 4-player Dominion.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Chase Adolphson on March 12, 2018, 08:22:54 pm
What's wrong with the art on kings court?

There's no royal seal.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Chase Adolphson on March 15, 2018, 06:25:40 pm
There is a pair of siblings but they are in different expansions. Which expansions do the siblings belong in?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Commodore Chuckles on March 15, 2018, 09:37:21 pm
There is a pair of siblings but they are in different expansions. Which expansions do the siblings belong in?

Duke and Duchess? Somebody here has an avatar that combines those pictures.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Chase Adolphson on March 15, 2018, 09:51:39 pm
There is a pair of siblings but they are in different expansions. Which expansions do the siblings belong in?

Duke and Duchess? Somebody here has an avatar that combines those pictures.


I never thought of that. What I was thinking of was princess/prince from cornucopia/promo
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: LibraryAdventurer on March 15, 2018, 11:55:27 pm
There is a pair of siblings but they are in different expansions. Which expansions do the siblings belong in?

Duke and Duchess? Somebody here has an avatar that combines those pictures.

I never thought of that. What I was thinking of was princess/prince from cornucopia/promo

Prince is not from an expansion.

EDIT: Just realized this is the joke thread. uh... quick, self, come up with a Dominion joke...
ok, not exactly a joke, but something kinda neat at least:

Well, I just realized you can't Crown a Prince, but the Prince of Thieves can steal a Crown.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: crj on March 16, 2018, 12:57:53 am
Duke and Duchess?
They'd be husband and wife, not brother and sister. (Well, unless something really obscure and exciting had happened with two different duchies.)
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: jonaskoelker on March 18, 2018, 02:11:32 pm
Duke and Duchess?
They'd be husband and wife, not brother and sister.
Dominion is set in approximately medieval Europe. European nobility is not well-known for being excessively outbred...
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Awaclus on March 18, 2018, 02:53:29 pm
European nobility is not well-known for being excessively outbred...

Yeah, it's known for giving 2(http://wiki.dominionstrategy.com/images/thumb/9/92/VP.png/16px-VP.png) and a choice between a Necropolis effect and a Smithy effect.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Chase Adolphson on March 18, 2018, 05:21:47 pm
European nobility is not well-known for being excessively outbred...

Yeah, it's known for giving 2(http://wiki.dominionstrategy.com/images/thumb/9/92/VP.png/16px-VP.png) and a choice between a Necropolis effect and a Smithy effect.


Europe also has castles that give you victory points
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Chase Adolphson on March 18, 2018, 05:25:52 pm
Why did the expert dominion player buy a scout?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: jonaskoelker on March 19, 2018, 06:58:14 pm
Why did the expert dominion player buy a scout?

To cause a contradiction in terms :P

See also:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYliQFwLoUc
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: ConMan on March 19, 2018, 07:12:15 pm
Why did the expert dominion player buy a scout?
Because he was playing <insert another game where a Scout is actually a good thing to buy, I dunno go Google it or something>.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Chase Adolphson on March 19, 2018, 08:07:16 pm
Why did the expert dominion player buy a scout?

To cause a contradiction in terms :P

See also:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYliQFwLoUc


Its because ambassador was in the game.
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: jonaskoelker on April 08, 2018, 07:08:57 am
What's a sweet girl like you doing in this den of sin? 8)

Want to come back to my secret cave? I'll turn on my special lamp and make all your wishes come true. :-*

I'm lighting a bonfire outside my villa tonight. You should join me and get all the action you could ever want. ;)

My gf accuses me of crumpling up the cards—she always says the thing in my 'pocket' is Giant (http://wiki.dominionstrategy.com/index.php/Giant).  ;D

If you'll be my princess I'll be your trusty steed and let you ride me all night. ::)

(NSFW) If you'll be my vassal I'll be your overlord and tormentor. :o
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: Eran of Arcadia on April 09, 2018, 11:43:22 am
How is that last one suddenly more NSFW than the others?
Title: Re: Dominion jokes/pick-up lines
Post by: jonaskoelker on April 09, 2018, 01:23:45 pm
How is that last one suddenly more NSFW than the others?
Thank you for explaining the joke-inside-the-joke, that saves me the trouble ;)